♥, *Rin

2011-03-06T22:13:00.001+08:00

Remember me as the only one who sets you free
Maybe time alone will make you see
How deep our love could be

FABFAD

2011-02-28T23:10:00.002+08:00

Lately, my studies have been affected.
My mood have been affected.
My relationship have in turned, been affected.
Alongside with several other issues, my world's upside down.
And no one person can truly understand the pain that I am going through now.

Now that things have reached this state, there is no point in me trying to protect any of our interests anymore. Because I am so tired. So tired of all these shits I just want to leave these all behind and move on to things I ought to do and focus on right now instead.
As many of you know, I have been modelling for Fabfad for awhile now and I'm here to say that Fabfad and myself will no longer and will never be affiliated in any other way from now on.

Issues started surfacing early this year when I found out that I have been way underpaid compared to the industry's market rate. I naively believed them right from Day 1 and accepted my initial pay of $12/hr.
Early this year, I found out that the minimum ought to be $30/hr and just couple of days ago, I understood from my cousin who used to have his own studio that for non-professional models, minimum's at $40/hr and professional models can be $80-$300/hr. If payment's on per session basis, I ought to get $120-$150.

Indefinitely, I raised my concerns. & thereafter, they revised a rate of $40/hr.
Here's where the dispute is. I have made a mistake in naively believing them and I deleted their sms a week before I went for the outdoor shoot just last Monday. Shoot started at 3 and ended at 6. But the photographer mentioned we did a 2.5hr shoot. Alright, I didn't want to argue over a 30mins thingy. The highlight was, I was then paid $40 in total. When I briefly questioned, the owner answered me that she thought she had made it clear to me that she would pay me $40/session? I was loss for words and as much as I wanted to argue, I swallowed back.
Reason being, I remembered showing Jiayuan and Yiye her sms during class one morning.
I had no intention of jumping into any conclusion, daddy always taught me to always look back at yourself before criticising people. So I wanted to get home and check with them what they read. Did I really read wrongly or did all of us read wrongly which is definitely fishy.
Both could not remember the exact content that they read but they were very sure that they did not read anything about $40/session. I even showed boyfriend but I didn't bring him into the picture as "own people" would definitely stand up for you.

When I decided that Fabfad was clearly twisting their words and dishonest, my one and only decision was to quit as I didn't see a single bit of integrity at all. Lying obliviously with their eyes wide open.

Did I mention at the outdoor shoot, I travelled all the way to Woodlands, just to earn $40. On top of that, I carelessly got myself a $30 summon and thus earning $10 for that shoot? Which probably wasn't even enough to cover for my petrol.
But I was willing to forgo all of these and just walk away. I didn't want to pursue the matter. My mentality was, if you want to eat me, alright. I'll just take it as a lesson learnt. I was going to let the matter rest without even confronting them.

What turned things ugly was, she wasn't pecked by a single bit of guilt. On top of that, she said I accused her. She then forwarded me the sms that she sent me the other time. But instead of $40/hr, it was $40/session. So I asked if that was the original copy that she sent me. If it was, I would go look for her. Recipient, date, time and message content would all be there. Evidence speaks more than merely words against words. But she said that was the exact msg she sent me after she sent to her girlfriend for proof-read. Cmon, you don't have the original message anymore, what proves that the message wasn't altered?

I am 99.999% sure that what I received was $40/hr.
I have my recollections but there's no point in me saying here as I do not have any evidence as well.
I called Starhub to ask if I could have my past sms contents. But they said no, as expected. The investigations department would only retrieve it for you if there is legal pursuit or, any criminal cases needed by the police for investigations.
But I later on found out that there are certain computer shops and hp shops that are able to retrieve deleted sms-es.
I told her, that since she wants to say I accused her, and my conscience is clear, I will find ways and means to get my sms retrieved.
IF it was overlook on my part, I would give her all due respects she deserve and apologise to her right infront of her and everyone else.
But what if I was right all these while? ........

Hence, I have been so caught up trying to find my saviour.
I know the time and cost would probably not be worth all of these pay shit at the end of the day but that wasn't my point anymore.
It wasn't a matter of money but principles now.
I was determined to clear my name and lay the truths all out right infront of us so we don't have to go round with all these arguments.
How can I possibly swallow all of these when I'm the one being cheated her and yet I didn't want to pursue the matter and you have the cheek to say I accused you?!

At the end of the day right now, my efforts have been futile.
And I give up.
They must be laughing their heads off at my plight.
They must see me as a fool now.

Everything aside.
An outdoor shoot for 3hrs. $40. Spread this to people in this industry. This must be a joke right?
Whether I find evidence against them or not, I am not at the losing end.
$40 for a 3hrs outdoor shoot?
Anyone will tell you that's pure exploitation and cheats.
如果头没有这么大，就不要带这么大的帽子。

Whoever is their next model, well I wish her luck and wisdom to not be as naive as I was.
With such lowly underhand dirty tricks, I'm sure they wouldn't go far.
If I can't deal with them, I'll let heaven do it. I'm a strong believer of Karma.
人在做，天在看。

I do not deny that I'm feeling very lousy at this point.
Suddenly, I ask myself why did I fight so hard to only find myself back at 原点?
I didn't even want this in the first place. But I found it really hard to swallow down the words that she feels accused.
It wasn't even easy for me to make these decisions.
I have sacrificed days of peaceful sleep, I sacrificed my concentration and focus to study. All for principle, and to "tao hui yi ge gong dao".

On top of all of these difficult decisions I had made, I don't even have the support of my boyfriend.
Some say I should not let them off so easily.
Some say I should just let it go, they will get their deserts.
He, unfortunately, belongs to the latter.

I do not ride on a high horse, but I do have pride to some extent to uphold my integrity and conscience. There is no way I can let it go when that was my exact intention but they turn back and say they feel accused.
Sad but true, he doesn't understand the unjustice and pain in me enough.

Without my pillar of support, that's half my battle lost.
And this pain, will never be comparable to the pain I learnt in this lesson.

I'm done here.

And if you would excuse me, I would like to be left alone for awhile.

Rin

2011-02-23T23:47:00.008+08:00

Today, Yuanny & I had a little shopping date. Followed by dinner together with Fishy after her work. (:

Purpose of this shopping date was for us to buy shorts.
Got what I wanted! On top of that, got many other stuffs which I didn't plan to buy too. & everything I bought today, yuanny bought a piece too. Hahaha. So gonna be twins soon.
My buys for today:

1 pair of faded denim shorts
1 pair of wedges
1 superbly fit black dress (As if it was made just for me. Haha! Awesome!)
2 cheerleading-like skirts
3 blings strap.

Hohoho.
That's kinda a record for a shopping trip. I've never managed to find so many stuff that fits and cheap every single time I plan for a shopping trip.
I always end up not being able to find what I want.
Today was a fruitful day!

And today marks a day I finally found a pair of heels that doesn't hurt a single bit and doesn't give me any blisters. Woo hoo.
Yuanny and I got a pair each and changed into it immediately.
I shopped the entire day in them and walked everywhere and my feets' are in perfect condition as they were before I left my house this afternoon. YAYS!
When daddy saw me coming home, his face had a slight smile as he stared at my feet. Hahaha. I bet he's very pleased with my buy today.
He has preached before that I should go get a pair of comfortable heels that wouldn't hurt and have a little more class instead of going everywhere in mah havaianas which he claims is lianish. Hahaha! & I always have to rebutt and remind him how much my havaianas is. They are atas slippers can. xD Mah cute daddy. X) ♥

As for why I got 3 blings, they are gifts! One for myself, one for yuanny and one for fishy!
But of course! My two lovelies and prolly one of the nicest ladies on earth... (((:

Dinner at Swensen's, updates, gossips, jokes, and it was home sweet home!

The 3 blings! ;D

After dinner, we all put on our blings. Hohoho.
So prettay.
Got the girls their favourite colours. ((:

Our pretty wedges. ^.^

Earthquake treat by Yuanny!
Shank euu dear. ♥

Pretty Yuanny & I.
Totally love her hair, don't you love it too? ;)

Yuanny & Fishy

Fishy & I

And so I end off my post.
A day I truly deserved and needed.

Now now, how do I get the momentum back? Time is running out so bad. =(

♥ xoxo,
Rin

All the good is as glass

2011-02-21T10:15:00.002+08:00

Never behave like every one else is at your feet if you're not up to it.

B'cus there comes a day when you crumble and fall,
leaving you to pick up the pieces you yourself tore.

Sometimes, what seems like the right thing to do may not always be right.
What seems like the wrong thing to do may be afterall, right.

All I was trying to say was,
Judgement fails.

More than often,
help rendered are never appreciated.
As much as this is going to sound selfish and self-centered, nevertheless, realistic: -
"Mind your own beeswax".

You never know what unnecessary trouble you're getting into.

It's high time I learnt how to freeze the lil red beating on the left.

I've had enough of all these shits.
I've had enough of getting myself busy and tired at the expense of others.
I've had enough of helping yet landing myself with more shits, none of which concerns me to begin with.

Not that I expect anything in return at all, but if this is what I'm gonna get at the end of it, then I'm sorry, once bitten twice shy.

To be exact, it's not even the first.

So to those of you who ever since has stepped and existed and turned my life upside down,
just scram on your own.
That's my very honest and nice plea, without me asking you to "fuck off" on your face.

As far as I'm concerned, I'm no longer your sweet lil princess if you've crossed the line. & I, will not hesitate a verbal slap. Try me.

Signing off,
On how we take the good for granted.

2011-02-17T13:18:00.002+08:00

I had a friend, a really nice friend.

And then time begins to tick,
and the ugly head shows.

Not knowing why, but slowly and sure,
our world shifts and shimmers and splits.

Shattered shards cascade down,
spurred by angry, lashing words.

The scars run deep,
jagged cleft in my soul.

So you moved on and I remain.
We keep on living with the distance drifting.

Now there's an enclosure around you,
I dare not come near.

I used to think I would hop in,
if you would only let me in.

But with today the words I speak,
what we had once we can never have again.

I will never allow myself to,
for I cannot trust a single word you say.

I had a friend, a really nice friend.
A friend that was no friend at all.

So I say to you Goodbye,
Rin

Happy ♥-Is-In-The-Air Day!

2011-02-14T22:59:00.007+08:00

I've got the simplest affair ever because I wanted it so.

Last week, the king initially suggested bringing me to eat expensive stuff at expensive places.
But I was against all his suggestions simply because I thought the food's expensive and quality isn't worth it at all. Then he joked to go to Hawker Centre which I cross my heart and swear even if we ended up at a hawker, I wouldn't mind at all.
To me, with just his being and presence beside me on such a special day, that's all that really matters. ((:

So we headed to our fave Fishhead steamboat place and bloated ourselves mad with just the steamboat and 2 other dishes. Thankfully I was smart enough to stop him from ordering the 3rd. LOL.

I wasn't actually anticipating for anything because we both are really a very realistic couple who don't believe in extravagance but reality. We don't exchange gifts on anniversaries and days like today or even to the extend of birthdays if we both don't need anything. Instead, if there's anything we like, we'll just take turns to get for each other on any other day.
He's awfully lucky I'm not the kind of girl who'll kick up a huge hoo haa if I don't receive gifts or surprises. Hor Baybee? Hahaha!
"Self praise's no praise man." =p

So anyway! The King's awfully sweet that he did actually get me something!
Flowers that will never ever wither!!!

Truth is, I've always told him how he don't have to bother buying me flowers cause I never used to like flowers. I thought they were expensive and a waste of money because they wither and die within days. & there goes the man's $$$. Kaching! T_T
See what I mean.. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm pretty much a realistic girl. Hahaha. =X

But maybe it's the age or something, I don't know? Somehow, this year I had this little hope etched in a small part of me to receive some flowers. Nobody knew of course.
& coincidentally! My realistic King decided to get me flowers that will never wither. It's my first bouquet from him and I get to keep it with me forever!!! Hohoho!
A lil surprised and happy maximums! :D :D :D

That's my pretty flowers with colours I adore.
Baby picked the right colours! :*

When the LED lights are turned on. x)
From my daddy's reaction when I came home and showed off my flowers, I bet he thinks it's pretty too! Hahaha! =X

Happy silly me. :D

Check the grin on my face when Baby turned on the LED lights for me.
:D

Thank you Baby P for everything tonight. I appreciate everything.
Needless to say, "I Love You!"
Bery berries berrily much! ♥

♥ xoxo,
Rin

2011-02-13T19:45:00.016+08:00

How was your weekend?

I had a pretty good one. ;)

Friday night,

Ric, Peggy, Lionel, King & myself met up somewhere around Bugis Iluma.

While they were brainstorming on our plans for the night, I went over to I ♥ Taimei to get my first cup of Bubble Milk Tea because there's no such thing as Honey Green Tea there. *wails* ~>.<~

Whatever it is, I could make do with milk tea to satisfy the bubble tea craving. ;D

Wonders of greed+desperation. I hear snickers already. Lol!

If you're thinking why I didn't go for Koi instead, let's just say imho, Koi's overated. *shrugs*

No offence Koi fans. =\

Headed to Serangoon Garden K Garden thereafter. Fortunately there was a room available in 30mins. It was a K Friday night for all of us.

As usual, once the King starts dedicating songs, the entire playlist from then would be his and the boys', leaving Peggy & I listening to em instead. But it was all good because Peggy the fishy & I had that awesome chance to have a heart to heart talk. ♥

Been awhile since I found someone matured enough to share such conversations with. Noticed I said matured; Literally age related. Not that my fishy's old. But somehow of late, people I've met are all late 80s or even 90s. It's a very saddening situation. Even Yuan Yuan's born in 1989.

Someone just tell me that I'm age-ing and hitting my quarter-life crisis soon. =O

Oh, have I said it yet? "Fishy's da best!" xD

Right. End of Friday.

My Saturday was basically me, clad in my Miffy-inspired dress, stuck in my King's Royal Room watching "Who am I? That's one secret I'll never tell.. You know you love me. Xoxo, Gossip Girl."

How many of you reading my little space's having the familiar bell ringing in your ear? LOL.

I'm still stuck in Season 1 since forever simply because time doesn't allow me the luxury to just chill and watch shows at home. Considering the prelims are in 3 weeks time and finals in less than 3 months time. Oh my gawd, I'm feeling the sweat on my palms already. =S

After an entire noon of Gossip Girl, King & I finally head out to meet Ric and Peggy the fishy again. It was a double date for 大世界 at AMK Hub! I enjoyed the show although I was feeling a little pissy with King the Irritating. =X Way better than 笑着回家 okay!
After the show, we headed to Marina Square Hong Kong Cafe for supper.
Before we left, look whose chio ride's parked beside Ric's.

Mercedes Benz E Class Cabrio Soft Top.
Chio MAXIMUMS!!!
It spells class and sporty. What perfect combination.
& you know what's the best of all? De Interior Red Leather Seats.
Do you know, that I'll just die for red leather seats?
Oh my gawwd.

Thankfully I wasn't spotted taking the car. The owner came in less than 5mins. o.O
Heng ga lau sai! =X

And here's what I found online: -

A zhng-ed one. (Overseas of course)
Prettayyy! :D

Alright, nuff said bout the Benzy.
Let's continue with the peektures of my Saturday night shall we..

The man who irritated me so much that night but I still ♥ him!
*Grin*

When the pic is giving too much attention to the red...

We gotta be equal and give more attention to the black too.
:D

That's my Fishy Ng!
I love this shot thou i kinda "cut" myself off abit all thanks to my great with open inverted commas photo-taking skills. =X
Love the smiles! ((:

That's Peggy, Ric & his 'Spoon'.
Hahaha! ;D

With Mr Reddy & My King.
Oh, and that's my Miffy-inspired dress btw.
Hahaha! =p

Oogay!
End of my weekend updates.

No monday blues tomorrow because it's ♥-is-in-the-air Day!!!
I get to go on dinner date with mah king! Yayness.
I loveeeee my Mr TKP aka Pengy aka King!
Times spent with him are never enough. xD

Not only have I got wishes from the king,
Mr Moron (Hahaha! I doubt he'll be reading this anyway.) and Uncle Yong surprisingly wished me too! Such sweet pals!
Not forgetting Annoying Lim who though have been MIA, but just wrote on my wall wishing me Happy vday. Awwww.
Why thank you, you guys just made my day! :D

To all the couples out there, I hope you guys have the loveliest time together!

As for the singles, Valentine's Day's Bestie's Day too! Share the love with your best friends or people whom you love.

Because LOVE IS IN THE AIR!

Spread the loveeeeee guys!!!

♥xoxo,
Rin

2011-02-10T16:05:00.012+08:00

Exactly a week ago...
2011 - 初一:

Mah King. >=)

No photos of myself cause I barely recovered. Looked like shit, felt like shit. Hahaha. =X

The blurness of the pic kinda explains my health at that point in time no?
Lol. Excuses~ =p

初三,
we finally remembered to take a pic, courtesy of Lionel sister. (:
@ Nex Carpark after watching Homecoming.

As some of you would have already seen in my Facebook. The reason why you're seeing my Black & Pink Adidas High Cut instead of my JS Wings is simply because the wings are too precious. I don't wana risk going visiting and have visitors trampling all over my wings at the doorstep... Ha ha ha. >=)

If you're at this point, lost already, here's what I'm talking about:

This is what I call, MY Favourato. (((:

So anyway, have I already mentioned that if you have not caught 'Homecoming' yet, please don't foolishly waste your time and money. First of all, IMHO, the show is at some point too draggy. On the contrary to it's Chinese title "笑着回家", I don't even think it's that funny to begin with. I think Ah Long Pte Ltd is much funnier than this please. I can watch it like 5 times and still laugh over the same thing all over again. =X & just so you know, my king fell asleep halfway. Hahaha! Tell me about it.

Reddy and his Master.

Peng and Lionel's Old-New 小 Tiong Chia.
Hohoho!

Mah Sister & Mah Boyfriend to spend my 初三 with.
((:

Last night, I finally had a catching up dinner with my good old friend Jorin aka France. A short, simple dinner over summarised updates and some discussion about the future. About wedding plans, about BTO location, about how prices of resale flats are too far fetched to buy over, yadda yadda yadda. See how age catches up and time waits for no man?

Just a couple of years ago, in our poly year 3, conversations went round projects and gossips. Upon graduation, we all moved on to Uni life and conversations went round school and gossips. Then it became all about job prospects, getting a full-time job and updates on life and gossips start to become less and less. Now, we're already at the stage of planning bout our futures, career advancements, wedding plans, houses to BTO, and that kids will be part of nature that we mutually agreed on.

Very soon, 3 4 years will pass and we will be at the stage of receiving wedding invitations and attending wedding dinners. Then it will be house warmings.. Then baby shower. Then bout our kids.. Then bout our grandchildren.. Then bout retirement.. & finally wait for your day to come. Hahahaha. Life~ *Shakes head* Tsk tsk tsk.

That's us in the toilet.
Perhaps the one of the many habits of meetups that has never moved on.
Haha!

I'm sorryyy. I don't know is it my hands or my cam. =X
Jorin says, "Blur is the new sharp." xD

& a final take!

That's gonna be all for today folks.
There are more to say but I'm running out of time. It's time to prepare for dinner at 2nd Aunt's!
Will try to blog again soon / more frequently admidst my busy study plans... =(

PS: Yuan yuan, if you are reading this, the purple fonts are for euuuu. I'll blog bout our pink convo next kay I promise! ♥

♥ xoxo,
Rin

2011-02-05T00:58:00.002+08:00

Hello hello!!

First of all, let me wish all my readers and friends a very Prosperous and a very

Happy New Year!!

In the blink of an eye, it's the 3rd day already.
Mmm, so much for asking everyone to take good care and drink more water. Right after my first reunion dinner of the week on Monday, I woke up the next day with superbly high fever.
My head was spinning, my heart was beating so fast I couldn't eat, sit or talk.
For a moment I thought I was gonna be concussed any moment and be sent to the hospital. =O

It was terrible! I lied in bed on Tuesday and Wednesday. 2 whole solid days.
Practically didn't eat at all for whatever went in came out from the same place. ='( I had the most precious TLC from Daddy and Boyfriend. Thankful for them, I managed to be up on the first day of CNY. Though still weak but at least no longer burning and am eating more now. *Phew* I feel so frail and even thinner. Oh gosh. =\

So anyway, that's my boring & sickly 2011 New Year for you.
I hope you guys are enjoying your new year pretty much now eh!
This is gonna be a short update from me as I've just taken my medication and am feeling drowsy already.. No picture taken yet as 1st day I was too sick. Today, boyfriend and I forgot again.
Mental note to self: To take a picture with my King later~ Hohoho.

Hopefully I'll have more interesting updates when I have fully recovered.

Oh.
By the way,
one thing I hate the most and can never bring myself to tolerate, is when I get no replies from the smses I sent out. B'cus I think that's just plain rude and don't give me any lame excuse like "sorry I was busy" or "I didn't receive" or whatever bcus when I say I don't like it, I never make exceptions.

When I am nice, doesn't mean you can take advantage of me.
I could have easily walked off. But I took a step back to leave room for negotiation.
So, don't fucking test my patience.
Don't say I've never warned you before.
You know who you are, IF you are guilty.
&, there's a word in the dictionary under the letter 'R', young lady.

HA.
Someone just had to prove my life experience theory right ONCE AGAIN.

♥xoxo,
Rin

2011-01-30T22:58:00.005+08:00

It's the end of the weekend yet again! Which also marks another day closer to prelims, another day closer to finals.
Someone please just shoot me.

Updates of my week: Following my Mani Pedi appointment, got my hair dyed black to jet black on Thursday by my 2nd Aunt. Thankfully, she's always there and willing to help me to diy-dye my hair for me.. ♥ Jet black hair has always been my ™. (:

But in Sept last year, I had this sudden urge to get my hair dyed. Hahaha.
It's been 4 months already and though I've had jet black hair for years, I was pretty afraid I wouldn't get used to it and indeed, I'm still trying to adapt to my current look. Mayyyybe after a few more washes the colour would turn more natural. I hope. =X

Say Goodbye to Brown hair~
That's my 2nd Aunt in the background btw. :D

& that's me with my old-new ™ Jet Black Hair.
:D

The pretty white dress I'm clad in above is from Sashaxoxo!
I really ought to give them credit to because it's by far one of the prettiest dresses I've bought online!!
It's my 2nd buy from them already and none of them have disappointed me. Their prices are reasonable, quality's as promised.

It was love at first sight for the above as I was browsing through their latest arrivals. I contemplated for several days whether to get it or not as it's in white and white clothings are normally sheer and the king certainly wouldn't be very happy about it. Haha! =X
When couple of days later, this piece was still in my mind, I knew I had to get it~ =p
I decided to give them the benefit of doubt as this dress claimed to be of thick, superb quality material which is hardly sheer.
Well, it sure is and I'm a superbly happy and satisfied customer!
I'm loving it so much that I'm contemplating to abandon my cheongsam for 初一 already. Hohoho! ♥

The last I checked this piece is still available so do check them out if you're loving it as much as I do! They have plenty of other awesome dresses too, I'm sure you'll be spoilt for choice! ;D

I gave IBM class a miss on Friday cause I was really really tired. & I didn't want to take the risk of playing the role of heroine lest I fall sick before CNY. Then it was dinner at night held by daddy. Good food + family gathering = (((((:

Saturday was a noon out with Daddy and my King. Boyfriend and I took daddy out for his birthday present to be made. It was his Chinese birthday and it's dad's birthday today! At night, boyfriend and I went to meet Ric, Peggy & Lionel sister for some Macdonalds supper. We decided to K but the place we always go to was fully booked. So we decided to head to Chinatown! (Grins from Peggy & I. Hahaha!)
Sadly, our happiness was short-lived as practically all the stalls were closed due to the dampening rain. >=|
So we ended up at Playnation.
Our first time there, and our first time playing wii. We sure had quite abit of fun! ;D

The one small part of the colourful wallpaper in Playnation.
Uber Cute Maximums!

No school for the week starting tomorrow. Woo hoo!
Am gonna have my first reunion dinner at 3rd Aunt / Grandma's place tomorrow before my handsome cousin flies off..

Superbly nonstop wet weather for the past 2 days is uber mood-spoiling. Especially when I've made up my mind to have a go at Chinatown. =|

Finally, today was a stay home day as the King's sick.
Went over to visit him as the pig in disguise slept till 5pm. Zzzzz. -.-

People around me, both friends and family are not exactly too well.
So everbardy! Let's all please get ample rest, drink lots and lots of water, consume more vegetables and fruits rich in Vitamin C yea?
CNY is just 4 days away and we get to enjoy all the new year goodies! Yummy yum yum! xD

♥ xoxo,
Rin

2011-01-26T19:29:00.008+08:00

It's Wednesday!
The first day I'm looking forward to this week. Not because it's mid week if that is what's going through your mind right now. ;D
That's because today's my long awaited nail appointment with Susan from Precious Nails, a home based nail salon in Tampines.

I went to her for the first time bout a month or so ago to get my first set of nail extensions removed. It was a pretty pre-traumatizing experience for me as I was told about how soft, thin and brittle our nails would become after gel extensions.

So anyway, I found Susan after doing some research on my all-time favourite, Google. Someone was giving a good review on her extensions removal from Susan & on top of that, she was by far the cheapest I found at that point of time so there! My first visit to Susan. Sweet Peggy was so nice to accompany me there for the first time considering it was an early Sunday morning and we went back really late on Saturday night.

Process was pretty painless other than some abrasion on my cuticles from all the filing and buffing. Note that's not because she's not skilled but my hands are the hands of a "Princess" literally they say. Too soft and thin every single time I visit any random manicurist, getting injured and seeing blood was the norm. So she's as I read about her, gentle and rather motherly to some extend. Hahaha.

I knew I could trust her and give her a try for my CNY nails. So I made my appointment for today. I seriously give up finding cheapo places and then get injured nails at the end of the day. Those close friends of mine know what's it like for me. So I'm determined to find someone good, skilled, whom I can trust and stick to her for as long as god knows. Lol. Fyi, for a home based nail salon, her services ain't the cheapest. But for me, I'm willing to pay for the assurance that my nails are in extremely safe hands. She specialises in gel nails and she's damn damn good. Throw her any complicated nail designs and she'll give you what you want.
Aight, for those of you who are interested, sorry her CNY slots are all fully booked. =S
She's super duper wooper highly in demand.

I contemplated showing my very clean and simply done up Gel Overlay French Manicure as my BB's cam isn't doing my nails any justice at all. But oh whatever~ Here goes:

Very very simple and classic Mani.
Would have been much prettier if my nails were longer but this is as much as I can take.
Anything longer, I'm gona start whining every other day. (Tested and Proven with my extensions done the other time. Hahaha!)

To justify her awesome skills, here's Peggy's nails done by her last week:

Gel Overlay with Red French Mani, blings & HANDDRAWN Lace.

Classic Pedicure.
Mah uber shimmering deep purple toes.
I swear it looks 10times nicer in real. ((:

For once, I skipped having any red nails for CNY. Woo hoo!
So, that's my nails for you!

BTW, I don't get anything for "advertising" for Susan.
But just in case any girls out there suffers the same fate as me when it comes to a self-pampering mani or pedi, I wish all of you can solve this agony, just like I did. Good things ought to be shared no? ;)

Nuff said bout the nails.
I wana sincerely thank those who sms-ed, watsapp-ed or asked me face to face bout what happened to me as they didn't see me in the latest collection launch by Fabfad.
To me, I always thought nobody hardly ever knows that I'm modelling for them, besides my closest girlfriends. These queries, really took me aback and touched my heart. ((:

Some said they weren't used to the new face.
Some said unpleasant things.
Some said both of us had our own strengths.

Whatever it is, I thank you all for your feedback. I'm neutral against all these comments.
I don't know her personally but I know of her existence due to her popularity somehow. She's in this trade definitely longer than I do and imho, she's pretty sweet looking and has her charisma. Whatever I heard, I'm just gona take it with a pinch of salt, if not, none.
I don't deny I want to work my way up to where she is one day. (Perhaps.) I might succeed. I might not. Whatever happens tomorrow, none of us know.
This modelling industry, I've learnt, is very small. I certainly do not wish to step onto those above me to help get me above em.
Not because it's a small industry and I wana be a fake 'angel'.
It's a matter of principles.
I will not stoop down to underground or bimbotic or hypocrisy acts to succeed (IF I ever do that is), neither will I allow myself to be taken advantaged of.
This is me and my stand for you.
I'm a strong believer of 真材实料. LOL. ;D

Before I end off my post today, "Chew Lian" this is for you.
You wanted to see it! Don't pester me for it already ar.. =D

Rin's Royal Princess Bed - 2011.
Uber Chio Maximums!
Black sheets, pillow & bolster case with Satin Quilt Cover and Suede designs.
;)

PS: I'm counting down to tomorrow for another long awaited day! *Beams*

♥ xoxo,
Rin

2011-01-24T17:29:00.003+08:00

Hello 2011!

It's my first post of the year and I have decided to reopen my blog to the public.
Previously, my blog has been given permission to only 26 people, all of whom I trust. Privacy was due to some personal issues.

However, after much consideration, I have very much decided that there is no point in hiding because anyway, there's a saying that goes 'when there's a will, there's a way.' For those who know me well enough, you know what I mean. >=) Thank you to the dearest few who helped to encourage me to step out of my shadow to make this bold decision. You know who you are!! ♥!

Sooo. Here I am!
Welcome to my little cyberspace which I've once again take claim to. :o)
I'll probably be keeping this page alive all over again as exams are round the corner and I foresee the amount of stress is gonna escalate tremendously and I need an avenue to vent my frustrations or else I'll go insane. Haha! >=)

It's been awhile since I wrote so please pardon me and allow me to re-establish my writing style. I'm feeling a little out of place already knowing that this little space will no longer be solely belonging to me and my trusted ones. I can literally feel like I'm on a stage in front of a big group of audience now. Lolol. Okay, this needs to get a tad bit of adapting to. =O

Fow now, it's 10 days to the first day of CNY!
Have you done all your new year shopping yet? ((:

♥xoxo,
Rin

2010-11-23T23:43:00.003+08:00

Life was never meant to be fair isn't that right.

When I thought there was finally a "happily ever after", humans simply love to take things for granted.

When I wasn't the best I could be, there was a reason why he couldn't love more and his vision for the future's blurred.

When I was the best I can be, all that ever happens was being taken for granted.

I can never be the perfect lover in your eyes and I don't want to be anymore.

It's tiring. & I will never be convinced enough if this is all that you can do for me.

Materials is not something I need. Love and need is what I want to feel.
But you just don't get it.
Not that you don't. But you don't even bother trying to get it in the first place.

2010-11-11T19:47:00.003+08:00

I just realised I have abandoned my little space for more than a month. =x

Suddenly blogging came to my mind.
Woke up this morning to receive an SMS from SIM that IBM class for today and tomorrow has been cancelled. Happy TTM not till Yong Zhuang sms-ed me to say he think that make up class would prolly be on a weekend since it's pretty hard to fit everyone's schedule on a Monday. OMG.

But whatever it is, I decided to make full use of my time and study. Not very productive, but. I still did. ;D A little goes a long way eh? *wink*

N called me during lunch time to tell me ah ah ran out of 忘情水. o.O
I laughed at the top of my lungs for like 2 whole mins before I don't know if I want to continue laughing or to cry. Haha that's N for you. He never fails to put a ~~smile~~. No. I should say he never fails to make me laugh even at my angriest or depressed-est moment. So far, only he can do that. He can really make me feel like I'm getting angry for nothing and that being depressed was only wasting precious time away of my life.
No matter how serious a problem I thought it is, he would have his way to make me feel like, okay. Maybe it ain't that bad afterall~

I knew what his motive of calling me was. He always did.
& I always satisfied his motive. Bcus he's one I will share every little thing to and so does he share his dirty little secrets with me. Haha. Okay not exactly dirty but yea. It's just a song title that popped into my mind while typing it out.
Like you know, *Acts a emo rock voice and sings chorus*: "I'll keep you my Dirty Little Secret~ Dirty Little Secret~"
Oogay you ought to google or youtube it if you haven't heard that. '_'

So yea. Where was I?
Oh. Yup. I conclude that men and women sometimes can never see eye to eye. & yet they were born to fall in love and make babies and keep the world spinning round and round. Duh~
Kinda contradicting but well, accept it. That's life. & that's where Mr. Whoever geniusly invented the word 'quarrel.' Ha.

Women are always over sensitive. & Men are always ignorant and overly INsensitive. So they'll never understand why we behave in the way we did and WE, on the other hand will never understand why can't they see how we see. Okay this is gona be never ending so I'm not keeping up with this argument.

N says to me, "Aiyo.. Rin is soo affected by her lor.." Yes I am. ='(
But there's prolly nothing that can be done since that very fateful day which I seriously hate myself for.
Believe it when they say "Ignorance is Bliss." Some things, are dead serious better left unknown.
I'm gona try to put it aside for now. There's things that I can never change.
If I can turn back time, I wouldn't wish that he knew me before her.
I would just wish, that I didn't see everything that I did.

For now, I'm gona take a shower and wait for Mrs. P.I. "Understand?" :o)

2010-10-02T04:22:00.003+08:00

There's an infinity of things beyond my control.
For that, there is him, somewhere up there.

But what's within my grasp, it's high time I begin to strategise;
& work towards where I hope to see myself at 10months from now.

I'm grateful for people I've met so far from all walks of life.
People (one at a time that is) who stood by me through different phases of my life : Stress, Sadness, Depression, Happiness, Conflicting friendships or relationship, etcetera.
Alongside that, people (e.g. lecturers) who inspired, moved and made me grow - etched a distinct personality in me. A good one that is.
Technically, we determine on some level, what will shape, mould, abuse or use us. In layman terms, which is where our opinions are derived from.

Truth be told, I was rather inspired since my first lesson this new and final year. Which somehow got me pondering about how I was going to carve my road in the coming year or 2. Nothing very linked if you're gonna ask me what exact motivational stuff he said. But I guess this is as what people would like to give credit to, "at the right time, right place by the right person."
Ironically, this person is someone 2 of my friends condemned. Haha tell me about it.

BTW, it isn't a very good idea to pen such inspired (notice I won't say 'inspirational' since whatever I said here wouldn't inspire you most probably. Haha!) thoughts down at 5am in the morning. I believe this post has a terrible structure with no clear meaning at all throughout. No beginning and no end. Hahaha.

I am one whose void of a very strong friendship.
Friends come and go in my life. They never stay for long.
Perhaps, it's the way I am that people eventually drift away from.
If I like it, I like it. If I don't, I'll just give it to you. Simple. & I doubt everyone can take that.
Hence, I am a pretty lonely person whose forced to be independent.
Whoever shaped me into who I am today, is based solely on myself. I hear, I meet and I learn. From there, I decide to sail my own ship in the vast ocean.

That's as far as my penny of thoughts would stretch.

You might be better off than me in your social lives. (Which I'm happy for you dears!)
But life's meaningless if none inspires and brings out the drive in you.
I hope you loves would find your inspiration too! :o)

♥,
Rin

2010-08-19T01:50:00.001+08:00

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

2010-08-18T20:24:00.001+08:00

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Who do you turn to when the only person
in the world that can stop you from crying,
is exactly the one making you cry?

2010-08-17T23:01:00.006+08:00

Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over,
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew?
Never knowing where you're going
when you face a brand new day
It used to be that way.
Now I just close my eyes and say

I just want to breath again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little,
Live a little more.

I just wana face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more..
I'll breathe again.

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on.
With a bit of luck, it's a brand new start.
That might just work my way,
no need to walk away,
don't wana live on life's replay.

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
to see the break of dawn.

==========

Today, my student's grandma asked if I could spare her some time.
It really took me aback.
The things she said to me. The issues she shared with me. The advices she gave me.
That hour of talk kept my mind occupied throughout my entire bus journey home I was oblivious to my surroundings.

I ask myself, throughout these 2 years of tutoring, why now, why today, why during this period of struggle?
Last night, I had a bad night. I had blogshop shoot till late. & I thought I dropped the money I earned for the night. I was already in the control station, but I came back out panicking. Walking all the way back my trail to the place of shoot. I was tired. I was upset. It was late. I felt terribly miserable I felt like dropping to the ground to have a good cry at myself.
I held back and headed back home for good this time, preparing to face the fam with a smile on my face. Fortunately, no one was home. I flopped infront of my mirror.
The girl infront of me looked so frail and thin. She has lost weight.

Streams and streams of hot tears rolled down my face like an overflowing cup of water.
I had no one to turn to. In my hands, I held on to "him" tightly. I cried out loud and begged to tell me what to do. I begged him to help me. I told him I really don't know what to do anymore, right from wrong anymore... I begged and begged...

I think he heard me now. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I am puzzled why of all times, now. But I realise, perhaps he sent her to me.
Her words and experience she shared woke me up. It was like a slap on my face.
She made me see the wider and bigger picture. The real future.
In the subtleness of answering my prayers, I was lectured.
I was wrong.

My love is suffocating you.
I'm sorry.
I hope you'll find a better girl who definitely will not love you more than I do,
but at least, will love you better than I did.

Ilu. Always & forever.

越是在乎的人越是猜不透

2010-08-11T00:58:00.004+08:00

Somewhere, somehow, this whole */* doesn't seem to be very smooth sailing.

Everything's too superficial. Time isn't lacking. Something else is.
Don't ask me what it is, because neither do I know.

I never had the chance to be overwhelmed by:-

"I'm so blessed to have him.."

"Feels very loved.."

"Thank you for everything.. I am incredibly lucky to have you..."

I feel so empty & upset just reading all these updates in my FB.
It's not as if I am envying someone whose attached.
I am attached myself.
But I just can't find "Rin love". Just like... "我愛上給我勇氣的 Rainie Love" (雨愛)
I don't know why is it so hard for me to want the sweetest love in the simplest way.
What I need does not need anything that requires monetary involvement.
I need your heart. I need your love. Your tender loving care. It's FOC.
But what it seems, is too much for you to give. I seem to be demanding and expecting too much, as you put it.

We are 2 different souls in love with perspectives bouncing off each other.
I have hurt too many people enough, to want this to be serious, to give my all.
You, on the other hand, has been hurt enough and have decided to stop giving your all because you believe that whatever that you put in at the end of the day, leaves with you with nothing but a broken heart.

It's unfair. To me.
A person who have decided to turn back for the good ends up getting hurt in every way and not earning the love that was given, yet I cold-heartedly tore apart and never looked back no matter how they teared and begged and whatever they did to try to win me back.
It's karma.
It's all coming back to me now.

But, you on the other hand, decided that I will be the last of yours.
Is that truly what you want out of overwhelming love?
Or is that just a choice you feel you have to make for all these years I've stood by you?
It seems to me the latter for I was never given a chance to outbeat the rest.
Whatever I did all these years just wasn't sufficient to let you believe in true love again, to want to put in your all because you know that this time, I will not disappoint and hurt you like the rest did. I was never able to convince you enough.
Or perhaps, somewhere tiny in your heart is still waiting for your right "she".
No one has the key to this answer except yourself.
It's for me to unriddle. But I have given up.

A song that I once love so much, you came to know about recently.
& to my realisation lately, the entire song, simply speaks my broken and tired heart.
Do you even know?

期待让人越来越疲惫...

谁和我一样,
等不到他的谁?

爱上你我总在学会,
寂寞的滋味.
一个人撑伞,
一个人擦泪,
一个人好累..

怎样的雨,
怎样的夜,
怎样的我,
能让你更想念?

雨要多大,
天要多黑,
才能够有你的体贴?

其实没有我你分不清那些差别
结局还能多明显
别说你会难过,
别说你想改变.
被爱的人不用道歉.

2010-07-30T10:32:00.003+08:00

When you least expect to see someone, fate just made you bump into him/her.

Just about a year ago, I had to pull strings to make him spare a minute or two to come out from Powerhouse to take a photo with me.

& yesterday, of ALL places, in the temple, baby nudged me and said, "Eh.. S******** right?"

HOHOHO. Can guess who?

.

..

...

SYLVESTER SIM!
:D :D :D

2010-07-25T22:56:00.006+08:00

The weekend's over in a blink of an eye with L family.
Aka the BB 9700 gang.
Woahaha~ *Rolls eyes*

Saturday:

Our 2nd Crab feast. Yum yum! Followed by ktv @ Chinatown Party world then to Yishun dam. Hohoho.

Sunday:

Bugis followed by Ubi carmart then to Changi Mee Sua for dinner. With a superbly grumpy Rin the entire Sunday. =X

Jan's way of greeting me Good Morning.
Lols.

This was taken on Boy's camera actually. But re-taken on Jan's bb.
Hahaha.
Taken the week before - Peng's 24th.

Meet my new toy Gingy! (((:

First pic of Baby & Gingy ♥

To end of this post,

"L Lah!" >=)

Putting a full stop.

2010-07-21T16:05:00.002+08:00

Just as Mervin is gonna stop organising shoots,

I reckon that my photoshoot venture will be coming to a full stop with the end of July.

Mervin is the only photographer whose willing to "groom" us as his models & there's never another I'm more comfortable working with. Or I can trust - as you put it. But I may be wrong.

In this entire month of journey, I've received compliments as well as criticisms (whether seriously made or not). But I thank all of you.
Thank you all for the compliments for I'm grateful for your appreciation.
Thank you all for the criticisms for you made me realise that I have people who love me - particularly to a sweetheart, J Baby.
You stood up for me and fought back all words against me and picked me up from my lowest point. When I felt the worst, you were the only one there for me, who understood me & showered me with love, care & encouragement...
You used to be the baby amongst us, but today, you are no longer the baby we knew 5years ago~
J Chew I lub euuuuu!! & thank you for everything ♥♥♥
Now I'm looking forward to my birthday because that's when our plans will materialise.. Weee!

As for now,
I will play my part and contribute my best to Fabfad. ((:

Dedicated to Janice Chew ♥

2010-07-20T00:53:00.002+08:00

Thank you thank you Jan!

Because......

I have been chosen to be fabfad's next exclusive model!!!

Hohoho girlfriends, please support me and support http://fabfad.livejournal.com in the coming future ya? (((:

Their collection 10 will be up later!

Cheers!!

2010-07-14T14:59:00.002+08:00

In the subtleness of words, the spikes pierce.
In the portrayal of mischief, there's an apparent level of stern.

I can take bantering only to a certain extent.
Till it pricks my pride, everything has to stop and reconsidered.
Even if it means taking you out from my life.

Call me an intolerant, but I'm after all my dad's little girl.
& the least I am, is an average looking girl.
Not worthless of any cent. - as you (people) described.

When I've identified my modus operandi and am on a journey of progress and success,
mark my words, to those who never looked me up in anyway today..
"I give as good as I get."

From today onwards, don't expect any favours from me anymore.
Not a single exception.

It's a plastic world we live in. & there is no place for an angel to reside.
So she's leaving. For good.

2010-07-12T14:43:00.003+08:00

The girl keeps silent.

The words in her heart don't even form into sentences anymore.
Just waves of emotion and thoughts that can't be articulated.

Constipated attempts to make things work again.
But just before I do, I was advised to simply ignore. Maybe I should. We'll see.
Somethings should really be done the right way.

Despite having a terrible Monday, I've got happy news all thanks to J baby.
We had dinner last Thursday over macs followed by a couple of drinks at Punggol marina, where she gave me the heads up that fabfad is hiring for an exclusive model and urged me to try it out.

& guess what? I received email last night that I was shortlisted!! Happy like mad. I was jumping around in my room like a madgirl at 4am in the morning. LOL. Though not selected yet but at least I've got hope!!
If I really am selected at the end of the day it means another sideline income for me as this is gona be on a long term basis as their exclusive model. I need $$$! ($_$)
Hohoho wish me the best of luck please! Thank you thank you! :D :D

My organiser Mervin is a damn cartoon fellow born in the 1990s.
He's funny (pun intended) generally but when he comes to shoots, he's very serious and strict.
No means no.
& precisely because of that quality he ensures,
he forces the best poses and expression outta me.
Hohoho.

If Rin A manages to make a living out of modelling in future, it is all because of him. :o)

2010-07-06T02:21:00.002+08:00

In about 12 hours from now, I will probably be waiting for my turn to be interviewed.

I will be going for a casting for Loreal Hair Styling Event with Dea darling, upon which only 6 will be chosen.
Basically it's gona be either a free rebonding, or a free perm.

I would love a perm for a once in a lifetime try but not at this point.
I would only want huge wavy curls like a princess & my hair length's not doing any justice right now. Haha. =O

I'm in for the idea of a free rebonding but but but I just did it last Dec in Thailand and I planned to redo it in Dec during our family yearly trip but if it's gonna be free, I wouldn't mind saving some money. (Provided it doesn't damage my hair.) :D :D
My face, my hair, & my nails are 3 parts of my body that if in any event is destroyed, would leave me feeling extremely distraught. Lol. =S

Oh well, I'm just gona take tomorrow as a pinch of salt.

If you get it, you get it. If you don't, never mind~ :)))

On a side note, I think certain friendships are really scary. You can be the closest of friends today, and the next, you're like complete strangers.
The impeccable complexity of human mind that I fail terribly to comprehend. Whatever.
Or maybe there was just never an ending meant to last.
Just a span of time, a passion, a season, where a friendship blossomed from watsapp and smarties.

2010-07-05T00:22:00.010+08:00

It's a brand new week!
& so once again I take claim to this plot of land on cyberspace. Hohoho.

My weekend was as usual tiring.
It's my 2nd consecutive week to kick start my Saturday at 6am due to photo shooting. & if I were to include the coming Saturday, it's gonna be the 3rd. But this time round it's gonna be different because it's my first paid shoot that Mervin has organised for myself, deanne and another model I will be meeting for the first, Evangeline. I'm soo nervous with a max of 6 photographers stationed at different areas and we'll be taking turns to go to them.

I really enjoy working with Mervin. We can clique well. & guess what. He's born in the year of 1990. Younger than me! Hohoho.
I didn't like him (just the feel) the first time I met him but subsequently he begin to remove that line between us and we could all talk about anything and everything & he's seriously hilarious. He laughs at every little thing and the way he does it makes me want to laugh too and not because the thing he said was funny. Hahaha! :D

On Saturday, the weather wasn't in our favour. It rained and Deanne, Mervin, his friend Hui Ming (another photographer) & myself ended up chilling and chatting over morning coffee in Starbucks till the rain stopped. I enjoyed this shoot best. We all had so much fun and we could talk about everything and anything.. Felt really stress-less this time round. X)
But Mervin actually broke a sad news to me. He said he'll probably not be organizing shoots anymore but he said he wouldn't let our employment journey just end here. He said he knew of really nice organizers out there that could lead us thereafter.
Well, to me that wasn't really the point. It takes some connection and affinity between a model and her photographer to be able to work together to produce a beautiful end result.
It's tested and proven trust me.
Among all my photos, the ones taken with Mervin are the best. (Imho.)
Because when you feel good, you look good. When you don't feel good, it just shows on your face.

I was just chatting with Khang wei, whom I did my 3rd photoshoot with.
He said most of my photos, my eyes just didn't connect. I expected just as much that my photos wouldn't really turn out well simply because I had six mosquito bites on my legs while waiting for deanne to be done with her shoots. So by the time it was my turn, my mind was literally on my legs. Super bloody itchy! Take one photo, fidget and scratch abit. Take another photo, stamp my foot and jump abit. To the extent khang wei had to use his props to fan my legs for me. LOL. -.-"

So anyway, here are a few of the sneak peaks that he showed me first. Speaking of which, I really need a fringe cut. I give up trying to keep it long. Bad hair days on every shoot! Tsk.

PS: Notice my disastrous fringe?! =S
I look like I have some bloody kiew mor!!

& this looks like those typical dandruff free shampoo ad.
lolol. zzzz

Okay. This, is funny.

I like this simply because I think it doesn't even look like me.
Hahaha.
Of course, you may want to ignore the chui fringe. =O

Eeeky hairstyle. =\

Highlight of the week to self:

Dad, this is an ultimatum, not a discussion awaiting.
Put some trust in me.
We, won't disappoint you. ;D

&, Happy advanced 23rd birthday to me!

Obsession since forever.

2010-07-02T22:08:00.002+08:00

Can't keep my hands.. my hands.. my ha uh my hands...
Can't keep my hands.. my hands.. my.. uh.. my..
Can't keep my hands.. my hands.. my.. uh.. my..
Can't keep my hands.. my hands.. my hands.. off a BB Bold.

And there you have it haha.
I tried my best.
I went to Apple Iphone.
I guess I'm a failure.
I can't seem to keep my damn hands off the BB Bold but
It is what it is.

2010-07-01T23:38:00.002+08:00

On a night tonight, I feel lonely and empty.

& I just feel like crying..

Don't ask me why. If you really have to know, I'm yer Emo Queen.

I realise...

2010-06-30T00:07:00.002+08:00

Suddenly there was no where to go,
no one to turn to.
But at least, there was somewhere to hide.

Derided I feel. To be given a chance to live and yet hindered to success by the correspondence.

2010-06-24T17:40:00.002+08:00

I am so tired! Zzzzzz.

Practically packed every single day since last week.
Been really busy with work, tutoring, funeral, photoshoots, rom & visiting.. My burden's gona be lessened after tomorrow. Tomorrow's the last I have to work hard for and prepare to hand over back to Mr Poh. Welcome home Yi Jie! I missed you!!! & I'll be really glad to have you back in action in my life.. :D

I learnt alot of values and principles from The Karate Kid. It's got to be the best and my favourite of the favourites in my list! (To the extent it outbids too fast too furious, intial D all the car shows which I previously loved!)
"When life knocks you down, you can choose whether or not to get back up."

So I said lots of cock and bull story bout how I wanted to venture photoshooting.
But truth be told I was actually disheartened after my first. It just wasn't a very pleasant experience for me I guess. Nothing went wrong don't get me wrong. But I just didn't like the style of the photographer. & I reckon he's got to be the amateur of the amateurs because I can do better basic editing than him duh. =S
So I decided maybe this just wasn't my thing.
Actually i think it really isn't. In fact all these fashion shoots goes against my rather reclusive nature. Haha. =X

But oh well, with my new "modelling mate" deanne, I've agreed to 3 upcoming shoots.
One this morning.
My day started as early as 6am this morning as we were supposed to meet at clarke quay mrt at 9am. Holy shit. I'm super shagged now.

Trial shoot was fun today as there were 3 photographers. 2 male 1female. We could all hit it off well due to close age gap. ;) & so with that, I got back up and decided to try photoshooting again!
You know I really don't have any plans to go far in this industry judging from the number of experienced and prettier girls (with better assets too) in the industry already.
But i'll work on my polly pocket size. & hopefully just go far enough to give me a decent sideline income on top of tutoring.
I ventured into tutoring with nothing till something after 4 years of experience so I think I can do it all over again? Or can I not?
It's a chapter waiting to unfold...

I'm tired but really happy because my buddy will be back tomorrow morning!! Wheeee~ ^.^
One of my friends checked out my facebook and he msned me. Here's our little conversation:

L: tomorrow your good friend coming out ah haha.

Me: Yea!! How you know. Hehe.

L: saw your post on fb. guess should be him lor.

Me: Lolol. so smart! :D

L: Of cos! u 2 damn close leh.. bf won't jealous meh? haha.

So my answer to him was... No? Hahaha.. De bf hasn't voiced out anything so I take it as no?
Is it or is it not baby? I think I can practically hear his reply now... Woahahaha. >=)

Mmm, I'm so tired my mind can't churn out a really organised and well written post I'm sorry.
If you realised, ever since I started blogging again after the exams, I revamped my blog in terms of my writing style. I'm learning to write better. The reason behind this, I think both spoken and written english is a crucial "pre-requisite" for first impression. (& interviews to come of course when it's eventually my time to step into the working society.)

More importantly, sometimes I really wana express my thoughts yet wanting to protect that little bit of privacy so I want to learn to write with profound insight.
I should have taken a degree in communication studies or something. Mmm then again they would definitely consider your language grades which is nothing to flaunt about with a mere B3.
*snicker*

I'm suddenly reminded that someone really offended me today.
As I read the text, each word stinged my integrity and ignited the fire within me.
Apalled and disappointed for you should by now, after all that we've been through know on which grounds I stand on firmly.
Toying with my integrity is neither something I take lightly nor is it an act unforgivable.
I will forgive you. But not now. Give me some time.
Anger which comes in the form of disappointment takes longer to dispel afterall.

Oogay my mind's shut now & I shall stop typing as my eyes are closing..

Time to meet best hwen & chia hsuan soon for dinner. Hohoho.

Till then mates! See you, see me, see AH JIE! ;D

♥,
Rin Rin

2010-06-17T15:48:00.002+08:00

And so I got over my bad week, recovered from all the sickness & I'm up and well again.
*Grins & does a banana dance* Woo hoo. ;)

I'm currently in a state of mixed emotions. Stoked with a little bit of dread.
I know right. It sounds totally ridiculous but that's how ridiculous I feel too. Hohoho.

Swift update.
I started my holidays feeling unhappy & weary because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I was thrown into a heap of work technically claimed by my dear yijie as "idiot-proof". But this heap of "idiot-proof" work actually brought me lots of stress, trouble, slight depression, tears & finally to a smile now. The process of it all made me learn alot albeit a tough one. Thinking back, I really wondered and questioned how I made it through having closed 3 deals already. (Truth be told I was expecting none.)

It is my period of hiatus but ironically I've been working hard!
It's the June holidays so I'm only left with a kid for now. He's practically one of the worst kids I ever had. I took him in underpaid, with one main aim. To help him overcome his loss and take the place of his mum who has been the one coaching him. I was already on the verge of giving up. He was not easy to handle. Crying before every single lesson, reluctant to learn, to do homework, to study and all. I don't know was it my lecturings or my long talks with him that had him change overnight. But now, he's one of the best gratifications I have having been tutoring for the last 3~4years? My students are my elixir to staying patient. Really. It's amazing how my patience has grown over the years. & so they say patience is a virtue. ;)

Tutoring's one. Yijie's work is two.
From working with a bunch of people kicking me around not wanting to cooperate, undercut-ing my clients; from all my polite yet formal pleads to almost beg~ none responded. I was treated transparent. I lost a couple of clients as a result of that. I was driven to a corner and finally broke down. You can never imagine the pure heart of mine, wanting to do my best for my best buddy. Yet all that I did was to make things even worse. I could handle nothing. From utmost disappointment, it turned to anger. I blew up and gave up. I threw everything to my boyfriend and asked him to do it instead.

I don't know what came over me. It took me a weekend before I found myself standing up wanting to fight back. I could not accept the fact that I was beaten to the ground with a snap of the fingers. I could not accept being shouted over the phone and treated like a dog when I did nothing at all. Nothing!
& so on that Sunday night, I worked on my best. To display my anger through words with daggers and sarcasm. To each and every one of them regardless of status. Be it employees or supervisors or managers. In my eyes, I no longer give any of them a damn.
B'cus I know I'm fighting for 2. 1, for myself. 2, for yijie.
& that email, got all of their ass working. Life was a breeze thereafter. I've got calls every now and then updating me on every single bit, response was quick, attitude was respectful. >=)
This, is already a very important lesson learnt for me in principles of life.

I don't get anything for doing any of these - sacrifice, travelling to meet clients & broker or working hard.. Truly out of heartfelt & love for my friend, & the fact that I believe what you can do for free and giving your best at it will eventually shape the person you are and want to be albeit a potentially shrinking bank account. Ha. Peace.

I once said there's many things I want to do once the exams are over. But have not breath a single word to any soul bout what they are.
Just to let you in a little, I planned to try new things. Had a taste of photoshooting couple of days ago.
I must say in life we always imagined things to be too simple, or rather, too good to be true.
It takes lots of courage to take the first step. & I did. It wasn't a very pleasant experience for me because I've learnt I'm pretty conservative and I'm generally timid in nature. I know it might be hard to believe I'm actually associated with the word "timid" from the things I say and the way I behave sometimes. But I guess they are just but a coverup for my weak & vulnerable inner-self. & I hate it this way. I expect much more from myself. & I got to start somewhere somehow..

I was chatting with a friend on MSN last weekend. He described 2 things bout me.
First thing he said, "Born a princess, prefers to be a peasant. You ought to be a role model."
In a way, I actually loved the way he said it because I think it's really true. I wasn't born exactly a princess, princess; but I was treated like one and am still treated the same way. I've got all the good in life but many atimes, I feel that they are all too good and I just wished I could have the simpler, whatever it is.
Secondly, he said, "I always knew you've been emo from all your facebook posts. But I never knew you were this sad and weak till today..."
Indeed I am. & for someone I don't know for long, I'm impressed he could actually read me almost 99.9999%. Kudos mate!

So wherever all these I've said would lead, is a story waiting to unfold.
I would like to determine the genre of this story to be an inspirational & purposeful one, with key notes on being a role model in life, to love and be loved, wealth, (Money makes the world go round isn't it. & it was on this aspect that broke my complete and lovely family & brought me to where I am today.) and the randoms. :o)

To this particular friend of mine who actually dreamt of me in a suit as a powerful corporate figure, thank you for believing in me though it's kinda wierd for you to even have a dream of me out of the blue like that. Haha.

We only get to live life once. So we'll see where this goes. I believe it'll be all good & a kickass journey.

Because Rin Ang have the drive to work and be successful. Unlike in her studies.
On this note, she's got a split personality. ;)

2010-06-12T15:50:00.003+08:00

And so there are bad weeks. I just had one.

Ill? Check.

Angsty? Check.

Depressive? Check.

Broke?

Mmm, I'm working on that to bring up that balance from going into deficit. Soo.. Half-check?

But sometimes, people help hold you up. Though the person who held you up might not be the one you wished it was. But well, be appreciative that someone out there even bothers. Right?

& out of that mode of appreciation, the misery dispelled.
So that brings me to today. Though through a bad night's sleep.

There's been thoughts. Train of thoughts.
But there's nothing truly honest that I can write nor say.
So I've decided to be patient with myself. For all that frustration and anger does only evil.
Perhaps let the angst and the gray matter come to a settle & hopefully an agreement.

Till then, if it's alright I'll wait through the silence.

No doubt the silence and loneliness that punctuates the gaps between each text is painfully hard to bear...

Law

2010-06-11T18:06:00.005+08:00

Actus Reus Vs Mens Rea.

In layman terms, conduct vs intention.

It's a fine line between right and wrong; Understanding & Unreasonable.

What's love?
When it's your buddy whom while out working, saw herbal tea and thought about your terrible cough and bought not 1 but 2 bottles and send it to you after his work & not the one you wished it had been.

What's love?
When you're left all alone at home surviving only on instant noodles and your boyfriend takes you out for dinner and sends you home straight after. Though I declined the sweet thought of you dropping by to keep me accompany for awhile before you head home. Which soul would be in the right state of mind to demand for your time and soul after a long day of work. I couldn't bear to. Not that I didn't want to.

Told myself that the weekends were approaching I would be seeing you again after a good night's sleep. To only realise that...

The rest shall be left as it is. I hate hanging my dirty linen in the public so I shan't do that.

What difference would it make if I had said no.

You should have known better the decision you should make for your girlfriend who has been ill since forever and haven't had anything for the entire day. & you had the heart to want to make her wait till you were done with your merry.

You know me well enough. I don't hold you back.

It takes primarily mens rea in order to let everything else take its place. & to me, speaks a thousand words.

As dependent on you as I can be, I sail my own ship in the vast oceans.
I will not let myself be forsaken.
Do as you please I will not obstruct. But don't have the audacity to ask me not to be mad at you because I have every right to.

I am already regretting getting the tickets for movie tomorrow night.

Doesn't make any difference to stay home another 2 days for the past 5 days I've been.

"You're my Queen." Ha. Don't say things to give yourself a tight slap on your face.
Black or White. It's all gray now.

2010-06-04T13:47:00.002+08:00

I've been tolerating for 9 days now. I've been working very hard for this.

I don't even benefit a single bit for all this that I'm doing. It's done solely outta pure love for my friend.

It means alot to me because I know this means alot to him but I'm screwing up every single bit of it.

& today, I had enough. I can't put my thoughts into words right now and it transcended into hot huge drops of tears rolling down my face after the last straw.

I'm sorry yijie.

Delusion

2010-06-01T22:44:00.002+08:00

Her stream of words from her seemingly beautiful perched lips, almost perfect pretty features & innocently big round eyes deeply enhanced by lengthening mascara manicured lies into a perfect movie script.

Lies that you yearn to hear like a pair of wings clipped onto your back enabling you to soar towards your goal.

Despite hearing or seeing the seeds of delusion, you chose to believe nevertheless.

Soon enough you'll wake up to harsh reality one day finding that you've been a fool with that green hat all along. That you're still the same old you. & she, will always have him & their little him. What's left of you? Nothing my dear. Till then you question the absence of fruits. What's the point?
Life literally goes on for you the morning after.

Question is, when will this day ever be?

2010-05-31T23:14:00.003+08:00

HelloOo my little space & a warm hug to all my lil friends here!

It's been a really long while since I actually do a proper update here. But this would prolly be something short yet comprehensive since my spinning's head calling for my bed. Hohoho.

Well, what's life in for me for the past couple of months.

I seriously don't have a vivid memory anymore. Good times less the bad times.

It's not that I don't want to hold grudges, I just don't remember what's the grudge about in the first place.

The beauty of having a bad memory.

Torture & stress has transformed itself into words of irrelevance (or relevance - you tell me.) regardless of sense and order all for one ultimate aim. To clock the 180minutes and make it's way to UK where it marks my sentence at the end of my sweet 3months from now. Let's shelf this away for a couple of months shall we.

You were supposed to hear my scream of anguish relief & laughter of joy. I was awaiting to see you & the black. Waiting right out there for me as I stepped out of that chilly place which left me shivering. Refused & unable to accept the sentence. But I felt crippled. I couldn't even see you for the last. I'm sorry I failed to be present. Angry with myself for clearing my call list. Now I don't have a single of your name appearing on my call history. It used to - every single day without fail. For how long it has since seemingly become a norm of my everyday life.
Fuego - specially customized. When will I hear it again?
Now that you're suddenly gone, it's day 6 & it feels like you've left just yesterday.
I promise myself I want to give you the biggest, tightest, warmest hug the minute you step out albeit the unjustified correlation to the amount of misses I had for you.

No one knows more than myself how much you've helped me in all my deepest darkest moments.
You always stretched out your hand to pull me up in your very own way.
Even when I pushed your hand away, insisted to be left alone, you never fail to walk away.
& instead, stood down to be with me till I got up myself again.
You are one who always manage to talk sense to me. To the extent even the angriest form of myself you are able to break and make me reflect on my own doings & question myself if what I did was right. You cease the stubborn in me.
That combo night: When I did the stupidest things to N when we fell out, & having a huge problem with P, you were the one who took time to sit infront of me & talk to me in your gentlest, most sensible tone while I was weeping like a baby. You let me cry whatever that I needed to. You let me drink down glasses and glasses of beer without stopping me. & picked me up when I finally collapsed and took me home. I puked all over your car. Made a mess out of everything but you were never once angry with me. You never once blamed me.

He might be in the wrong. But law did no justice by not showing any mercy this time.
Pardon me for the statement I just made. For my first thought was an incredulous and bewildered one for a man who's leading one of the roughest life to begin with.

At this very point in time, I regretted gaving up my dream of being a lawyer. For I am now in no position to fight for him. Everything has become an ultimate.
What else can I do.
Imu.

Now that the emotions has flushed my head, I'm going to bed.
My tolerance expired.

As I'm staring into the sky, will you be staring at it too? We're nevertheless under the same one.

2010-05-14T15:04:00.003+08:00

Missy Rin is feeling extremely agitated, irritated, angsty & depressed today.

Is so sick and tired. Why must things always turn out to be like this over and over and over again.

This is bloody annoying.
It prolly annoys people I know because I'm annoyed by myself.

Sometimes. Just sometimes I wish that she never met my dad so he wouldn't have to go through what he went through and if they never met, I wouldn't be here today.

Would't that be great.

There. I said my piece for today.

2010-02-10T18:57:00.003+08:00

My PMS this month is getting way out of hand.

Threshold for all shits = ZERO.

I am feeling so damn bloody agitated today I feel like I can really go crazy and just smash things and scream and kill.

From the beginning of my day till now, not a single thing has gone right for me.

I overslept this morning. Making me rush like a mad cow.

Ended up had to wait for Twin.

When twin reached, I had to wait for Dad as he wasn't done packing up to go.

When I reached school, Rachel did not come AGAIN for 2 weeks in a row. She took one chapter of my notes back and I can't study.
My bloody prelims are due 3weeks from now. I haven't studied. I am feeling so damn bloody stressed out. It's the time of the year again. I remember last year this period I was so stressed and depressed even my ignorant grandma who doesn't really like me kissed me on my cheeks when I went for dinner and said she haven't seen me smile for a long time and that I had lost weight.

Tutor after lessons.
Thankfully Damian was such a good & attentive boy today.

My fringe has been irritating the hell shit out of me eversince Jim cut it for me last.
So I decided to head downstairs to the aunty for my usual fringe cut.
This time round it was really nice.
Then she said it could go a teeny bit shorter. & she emphasized so much on the "TEENY BIT" I agreed.
YES. I walked out of the salon looking like a bloody fucking IDIOT!! Yes. I look like shit now. Already my day was bad enough & I screwed it up even further.

Then argued with my dad over my summons.
Not my dad's fault. But still I can't understand why he had to pay it when he haven't even consulted me yet. He could still say he weren't the victim he don't know everything. Yet he made all decisions on the spot. -.-
My bad for procrastinating to pay and appeal. Yah. At the end of the day, who's fault? No one else's but MINE once again.

I don't know why I feel that I am so busy and packed for the past 2 weeks. I am feeling so bloody drained. So bloody stress. So lack of time.

At the end of such a screwed up day, I await for 6pm to come. To complain to my boyfriend. To tell him what a sucky day I had. To hear him cheerfully tell me that everything will be okay tomorrow when I wake up. That I still had him. Oh yea~ Quit dreaming Rin.
He'll just never be the sweet-mouthed, loving and caring guy that you ever dreamed and wanted him to be.
All I got was silences once again, dull, drained and tired tone. I thought no matter how bad a day he had, he would just want to talk to me and tell me what a sucky day he had too. Never. I guess I'm always just the punching bag.

After some storms, I felt really happy. I had been very happy if you want to know since I haven't had the time to blog.
But well, I'm losing it again.
What did I say? People never change. Ha.

Someone said I just can't set my priorities right. Yah. You're right. Perhaps I should be spending this time to start studying. But I'm blogging away my frustrations.

I know what my priorities are. Maybe to others, my first priority shouldn't be the first.
But to me, it is. To each his own. There is no right or wrong.

The problem with me is, I never know how to say "NO." There is no rejection in my dictionary.

I am running out of time, yet when my dad pulls me out with him during my non-school days, I just can't bring myself to say "No".

When I think I'll feel bored going to meet Ah Jie and Gang when asked, I still go and never say "No".

When exams are nearing, & I ought to be home during weekends to spend some time studying, I just want to meet my boyfriend and can't bring myself to say "No".

I always put others first. I compromise on myself and satisfy others. Yet, people thinks I'm stupid.

At the end of the day, who satisfy me back?

No one.

Sometimes I really feel that with my personality and character, I ought to be single.

I don't have to think for others. Even when I do it willingly, people feel burdened.

& I don't have to make people put up with all my da xiao jie pi qi. (I guess this is it.)

Anyway, being attached is good in one way that he shares all your ups and downs. There for you when you need a listening ear.. Hugs you when you feel down. Wipes your tears and kiss you when you cry. & days like this, talks to you and trys to cheer you up, dote and pamper you. Or is this just my fairytale dream? Whatever it is, at some points of my life, it just occurs to me that being attached is as good as not attached to me.

& I should just move out and rent a room and stay alone. Or just request for application to stay in SIM Hostel.

After a sucky day, the first thing I did when I got home was? Get the tool box for a screwdriver to repair some bloody hook in my toilet. FYI my brother was sleeping when I got home at 6pm. & the hook with the loosening screw has been there since weeks.
Toilet shared by my bro and I. My brother, not even my maid, BOTHERS TO DO ANYTHING BOUT IT.

In the end who clears all the shit?!?!

MY LIFE'S PATHETIC.

& IM LIVING THE LIFE OF A CLOWN.

Go ahead and laugh for all you want.

2010-02-05T20:02:00.003+08:00

Rin is loving her room extremely to the max!

Every new year, I'll do something new to my room. 3 years back was a new Embroided Miffy Bedsheet.

Last year, was changing my entire room walls from light pink to light purple..

This year, also mini revamption but entire feel is so so so different I'm sooo happy! :o)

Daddy was just saying the other day nowadays raising the floor level up like Tatami style is the new in. But that would cost a couple of thousands and it would be a major renovation already I must say.

Am satisfied so far. Only dreaming if my floor is done up with "fake parquet" everything would be purrrrfect! X)

第二个自己

2010-01-20T23:07:00.002+08:00

我已经换了陌生的一面
原来可以因为爱上一个人而改变
还要求自己不改那一面

我其实任性其实爱哭
是你以为你了解我的全世界

我只好偷偷藏起第二个自己
没关系对你毕竟没有意义
我愿为你去学习忘记自己
继续努力就活得鲜明安定

2010-01-14T13:38:00.002+08:00

N is finally back in my life.

Every time I am feeling down, N will always be there to talk to me.

N always have N's ways to cheer me up and make me happier. Or temporarily help me step out of my emo self.

But today, I feel even sadder after talking to N.

I always thought that the problem doesn't lie with me.

But I guess I am wrong.

N told me some things which weren't the first time I am hearing it.
Some things are exactly the same as what P has said to me.

If I can't even learn to love myself, I am in no position to love someone else.

It's time I take a step back.

2010-01-12T21:54:00.003+08:00

Missy Rin isn't in a good mood today.

Everything just doesn't seem to go with its flow..

I feel so lousy so lousy so lousy.

I feel so damn bloody stressed I feel like I can go crazy.
I wish I could be like my friends who can really kick start all the way when the stress comes in. For me, the more stress I am, the more I can't do work. How bad is that?

I feel so useless really.

I can't lead my academic life well. I am never able to score A's or distinctions. In fact I just failed a module which cost me a year of income.
I can't lead my social life well. I don't have a regular group of friends to hang out with.
I can't lead my love life well. Apparently, I make my other half feel that I'm too clingy.
I can't even have the choice to prioritize who I want to spend my time with.
I can't make decisions well. I think and tell myself that's okay. But when the decision's made, I get all upset and just feel like crying.
I can't control my emotions well. All I do is cry and cry. Otherwise is to get grumpy and pek chek.

What else am I ever even good at really?

Everything is just not right.

At this point in time, I feel that I'm someone who aint worth of holding on to anything or deserving something.
Really.
I don't deserve a warm & complete family, that's why god put me into one that would split eventually.
I don't deserve to be loved, that's why even though I'm in love, I'm not happy. & If i'm out of love, the more unhappy I am.
I don't deserve best friends, because even my bestest friend in the world, has drifted away from me me. I use to believe that even the whole world turns their back on me, she never would. She always pick me up. It never happens anymore.

Don't comfort me & tell me I deserve all the good things in the world and all. I really don't wana hear that.
Nobody will ever know how I feel.
The heartbreaks and emptiness I experience in my heart.
None of you can understand.
So don't say a word to me.
I really don't wana hear.

I'm lost and swirling around in the same spot in circles non-stop.
I didn't realise till I spoke to Gwen last night. The issues we talked about.
The advices she gave me..
I have no directions in my life.
I am already 23 this year.
How can I ever be successful with such shallow, weak & useless character?
Where will my future be?
What will it be like?
With whom as my soulmate?

I feel like I'm living in self-denial.
I know it & I allow myself to.

Which explains why...

I despise myself.
& I'm especially upset today.

When will I ever have the courage to make a U-Turn?
I'm such a weakling even suicidal, I don't have the courage.

Don't talk to me.

Because I don't worth your time.

Couple-ly <3

2010-01-10T01:18:00.002+08:00

Couple rings, couple mobile phones..

New add on today: Couple watch & a 2nd pair of Havaianas..

with the same old him with love.

There. Someone's complaining my recent posts have all been too emo, as if he doesn't want me anymore. So there you go.

I wana change ma phone.
I want the Blackberry Bold 2 though I prefer the looks of Blackberry Bold.

Actually, I have no intentions of changing this phone as far as I'm concerned.
It's the first time I bought the same phone with ma boyfriend.
But apparently someone's having the intentions of getting an Iphone which makes me feel that it defeats the purpose of holding on to this phone now. =(

I have 3 girlfriends in particular bugging me to get one.
& I'm tempted to get it too cause it's pretty. & most important of all, its Qwerty keypad! I can never live with a phone without it anymore... & I can FB all day.. MSN all day.. & BBM all my friends whose holding on to a BB.
People gets an Iphone for the games, which baby's Itouch serves me well enough already. So there's no reason for me to consider an Iphone. Speaking of which, I've never liked Iphone to begin with. Touch screens are just not ma thing..

& everywhere I go, the whole world's FB shoutouts are bound to be: "Iphone or Blackberry?"

Duh~

What's IT in this world coming to... -.-

2010-01-07T02:15:00.002+08:00

一个活在 "爱一个人" 的世界, 和 "被爱" 的世界,

差别就在..... 幸福.

不是吗?

Breakthrough record.

6hours of sleep over 2 days.

I am zombified. Rah.

Off to bed. Nighty Miffys~ :o)

Hello 2010!

2010-01-01T03:38:00.026+08:00

Happy New Year to Everybardy... ;)

2009 has ended.

People whom I've had conflicts or misunderstandings with has all been resolved.
Am satisfied with this aspect.

Whoever who offended me in any way or another, whether you know it or not that I'm pissed with you, you jolly well know who you are if you ever badmouth-ed me for no god damn reason & without any feelings of empathy. I forgive you.

I'm leaving all hatred behind. Moving on to a new year, living my life all over again.
Am too tired to shoulder all these negative feelings. I have too many other stuffs to worry about.

From today onwards, I'm living life my own way.
I no longer want to be the Rin who keeps quiet acting like I'm a goodie good girl giving in to all.
I no longer want to be the Rin whose so vulnerable to everything.
I want to be strong and independent.
Though I'm resigned to fate for my love life;
Because I realised, the harder I took things, the harder I fall.
Maybe, without any expectations, comes no disappointments.

Some things that are worth fighting for, I will go for it. All way out.
Otherwise, I'm leaving it behind.

People who cherish me, thank you. I cherish and appreciate ya all too. Sincerely.

People who don't, perhaps it was all 有緣無份.

For me, the last lap of 2009 was a rocky one. Days where I got myself drunk. Days where I cried like there was no tomorrow. Nights of sleep with my face in tears. Days awaken with swollen eyes. Nightmares from same old haunt. It was a painful Dec 09. There were no doubt days I found life hard to go on.. No, I did not attempt to give up my life. But I lost my sense of direction totally. Special thanks to Jorin, Xuan, Jan, & a few of my new BL brothers Ah Jie, Mike... Without them, I would never have made it through... :)

Of course, without the special one, all these would never have made it.
I really don't know if this time round, things will work out just right finally after 2.5years of building our ("v"), but I guess, this is gonna be my one last try.. I will put in my all like how I've always did, perhaps even more and better. I will change my ways which doesn't please him.. I will play my part and do all I can to sustain this ("v").
But eventually, life's a highway. & a highway always have 2 way streets.
Love is made up of you & me. It's reciprocal. My last try to win him over completely, to move him, to assure him that all these we are going through is worthwhile. If I fail terribly again, I'm letting go.... Cause I'm at my wits end.

Nevertheless, I love you so.

Oogay, for everyone of you, may all your wishes & dreams come through, & have a prosperous 2010! Huat ar! :o)

Last moments of 2009 in Kuishin-Bo. Courtesy of Victor's Iphone.

Happy smiles which I hope there'll be many more to come..

22nd Dec - BL

The day I.........

Rin.Eve.Ah Jie

joined Black Legion.

23rd Dec - Hatyai Family Trip with Baby

Pardon the very CMI me.
I usually go make-up-less when I go on a trip..
Bad dec for me. Late nights everyday without fail, going to bed as late as 4 5am consecutively for 3 weeks totally took my youth and beauty (the very little bit that I have) away...

Tammon & Baby

Baby was taking pics of naughty little Raelene.
See she stick her tongue out.
Naughty girl!! (But super cute~)

Baby, Karlene & I in the room cam whoring.

Little Karlene is hooked on taking pics of her kok peng kor kor..

Superbly lack of sleep.
Must Cover my really panda eyes. ='(

One word. Cui.

Karlene & Baby.
Both like superglue throughout the trip.

"Rin yiyi" also must 靠边站..

Funny face shot.

Funny Face Shot.
Basically our little photographer Karlene instructs us to do whatever expression.
Haha.

Kpo hor this little girl?
We talk she also want to take. Bth. -.-"

Entertaining~

Act cute!

Mr Q.

Here's our little cam-whore~

See how much she likes her kok peng kor kor?
She kiss him on her own accord one please.

Our trip back.
His first experience on the plane..

Oogay, this entry has taken me so long..
It's 530am now. I'm so bloody tired already..

When I got home just now, while removing my make-up, I was feeling so bored.

& there are quite a number of times (when I've got enough sleep that is), after I remove my make-up, I feel that I actually look better without my make-up. =X

Tonight's one of the nights I feel so again.

So here's a shot I took:

Can you tell the difference?
Left eye: Without Make-Up
Right eye: With Make-Up
What do you think?

Alright, am off~

Nights, my 1st day of 2010... :o)

2009-12-29T21:24:00.001+08:00

以後都不要再联络听你说的很简单
黑暗中静静搂紧自己孤单有谁明白
难过懒的再去管泪要不要流下来
我也只好默默啃蚀寂寞留着痛灌溉
Missing You 抛去爱渐渐模糊的期待
难道我就这样痛彻心扉是自己活该
Missing You 我无奈
难道是为了彼此伤害
好成为扮演愉快的天才
看照片散落在一床我在回忆中哭喊
若是自导自演的闹剧为何美好曾拥怀
就当作分手是因为我们在爱中看开
如果留不住我就只有孤独来陪伴
Missing You 我坦白突然背叛的未来
那个时间转角你就不再留意我存在
Missing You Every Night
连星海也嘲笑我活该
我还有什麽资格放不开
陌生的人海去哪里找爱
只有看不清等待
谁愿收留我的期待快来
Missing You 我坦白突然背叛的未来
那个时间转角你就不再留意我存在
Missing You Every Night
连星海也嘲笑我活该
我还有什麽资格放不开
我还有什麽资格放不开

Happiness 往往落 in your own hands.

Have you found yours?

2009-12-16T17:14:00.002+08:00

我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价

Who the hell created love on this world?

If you want to create love, then make people feel love.

NOT get hurt by love.

Depression turn angst.

心傷心痛不痛?

What do you think?

This world's screwed. I don't wana belong here.
Take me away~ You. The one up there.
I'm sick and tired of the life you give me!

DO YOU HEAR ME?!!

2009-12-13T23:50:00.001+08:00

我的淚流在心裡

Relive.

2009-12-11T00:12:00.007+08:00

How I spent my Thursday.

Putting on her new shoes.

There you go.

Bridgestone Potenza Re11

Bye bye Type R Replica.
Hello Enkei GTC 01! Your beauty is taking ma breath away~

Oogay, my girlfriends are gonna complain that they don't know what my post is all about again.

But oh well,
something that made me happier.
At least for today.

==========
My dreams are getting closer, though very slowly.
Dad wanted to fix something which can increase hp by 10 or 20 for $800+.
I stopped him and casually said for that money we can bolt on a Turbo.
& he's reply was: "Hey, we ask Rick lah? Put a turbo..."

o.O

My reaction (loudly): "You siao ar?!!"

Though deep in my heart I want it. The only reason, to challenge 8083 who thinks his stock R is "oh-so-great". & only look down on people's "outer cover" R.
Fuck you understand.
But I'm not gonna stoop so low because that's a pretty childish mentality.

The only thing I want now is my mugen rr cf bonnet.
& everything will be perfect!
(If I don't include my evo midnight blue & ings kit)

Now now, will this ever be attainable?

2009-12-10T01:56:00.004+08:00

Back from Powerhouse.

Ma second visit.

First visit was to see Sly. -- Their 3rd Anniversary or something.

Today is for my dearest huhu's birthday.

Hope you're having a good time.. Should end off this year with a blast.
I am envious of she and her Ah Mao.. Soo sweet! At the same time, I feel so happy for her.. She's living her life so well now.. So happy, so blissful, so loved.. You guys are the perfect match. Just look stunning with each other. :)

Cheers to our Friendship! Xoxo. ^^
(& yes, that's my new gong gong fringe. gong enough?)

So coincidentally bumped into the Black Legion Boys.. Thanks to Ah Jie who brought us in FOC. :)

All my life the number of guy friends on hand easily outbid the number of girl friends.
& speak of clique or not, I always seem to clique better with guys than girls.

I'm not saying anything across the friendship line. I mean pure friendship. & to the Black Legion boys, they always call me "brother". That simple. Yes, they don't see me as a girl, instead their brother. Mike jokingly even asked me to go help him get a girl's number just now. Ha.

Over the years, I've lost some, I've gain some..

Having said that, the reason why I brought up my male friendships is because all my life, from young, I used to hang out with groups of guys.. All as friends. They tell me everything, they confide in me, they tell me the mentality or norms of guys, their thinking, blah blah.

& I've seen so many so many. Different groups of guys. Be it they are attached-girlfriends or attached-wifeys. Whenever they go to places like pubs, clubs, meeting other women, etc. All have one thing in common.
They lie. They don't tell their partners the truth. Where they go, who they meet, what they do.

I know it so so well. I'm just like a guy. Except I'm not a real guy.
I know what men generally do. Know what they are up to. Maybe that's why I am a girl whose particularly sensitive and paranoid, much more than any other girls.

& that's part of the reason why all these while I've held on to the thinking of "no marriage."
Furthermore I come from a broken family.
I see many many young kids now with only a single parent. It's really really saddening.
We're so different from our ancestors who are devoted and passionate. In our era now, whatever that doesn't suit your liking, "break up." "separation." "divorce."

When you're single, consequences ain't bad. But once you're married and have kids? Do couples even put in their best to sustain the relationship and love? Do men have the discipline not to have extra-marital affairs? Do couples strive to provide a complete family and give full love to the kids? Have you thought of what kind of trauma your child can go through?
I went through it.

& honestly, I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

I don't know what my future brings.

I don't know if one day I will eventually let the ring slip into my fourth finger.

I don't know if I have the courage and faith to enter another new phase of my life and start a brand new life with my other half.

I really don't know.

4 days ago, I experienced one of the most heart wrenching moments in my 22 years of life.

In a blink of an eye, the world infront of me was in complete darkness.

Hot, huge drops of tears flowed again and again and again and again.... It just couldn't stop. They had to come out to relieve all the pain in the heart to balance out. But the tears couldn't catch up with the pain at all. The pain increased with every beat of my heart... I felt so suffocated at some point I thought I would pass out.

I was shocked. I was scared. I was torn. I was an emotional wreck.

The impact on me was so bad I'm still trying to regain my normal self up till now even though it's been sunshine after the rain.

As if being suddenly pushed off a cliff 4 days back, together with all these real-life scenes happening around me leaves me totally faithless and emotionless.

Who can I trust?

Who can I depend on?

What is the meaning of a partner?

What is the meaning of holding a marriage of certificate?

I've learnt. That nothing.
Nothing is forever.
Nothing is certain.

Now, I truly understand the meaning of "You'll never know what tomorrow may bring.."

I was so shattered I still feel numb.
I think I've lost myself.

Can I find my way back?
Will you walk to me and take my hand and bring me back to where we were?

I don't know.

It feels like there's no one I can depend on now...

I'm feeling so depressed. I'm heading to bed. *Gone

==========

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know

Tested and proven.

2009-12-06T15:00:00.003+08:00

Going to sleep with a heavy heart ain't good.

I woke up with fright and found traces of dried tears near my eye.

& then reality ain't any better.

My stay-in Sunday plans have been ruined.

Twilight, Paranormal Activity & Astroboy dvd's on hand. No one's gonna watch it with me now.

Pathetic.

Maybe it's all a curse.

A post to myself. X)

2009-11-30T02:06:00.003+08:00

Rin Rin Rin~

Wake up!

You cannot cannot cannot let history repeat..

Focus focus focus!!

I'm losing my momentum, I see myself slacking off again slowly week by week..
I'm losing my discipline..

My marketing lecturer's a bullet train in humanity. & I'm still at the first stop while she's halfway to the destination already. =S

I'm feeling damn scared & damn stressed right now..

In another 23days, I'll be on the coach with B to join my family.. Dad, Bro, Cousins, Aunts, Niece and nephew~ They'll be leaving a day earlier while B will stay with me and we'll leave after my lessons the next day. Bah.

The downside? The fam get to take plane over while B & I have to take the coach.. Leaving at 7pm, and reaching the next morning at around 9+ 10am..

The upside? 20 over hours+++ of maximum QT with my monkey+pig baby boyfriend. =p

Sigh. So anyway where was I?
Oh. Right~ In another 23 days I'm leaving.. & my plan is to catch up with school for every subject especially Marketing before I leave so that I can totally relax myself for the trip!!

You think I can?

Well, I seriously hope so! That would be *purr-fect!* ;D

Oo well, I do have couple of photos to upload.
Waiting for Francey honey to post em up.
Chants: "Why are we waitinggg why are we waitinggg~" XD

Am off to do a little more revision before I hit the sack.

Will try to update as often as I can.

Oh by the way, I've 2 new favourite songs right now!
They are on my virtual itouch the current one playing and the next track.. Hit the center square button for the list of songs on my virtual itouch! Awesome~ Totally loving them... ♥♥♥

Till then~! ;)

2009-11-02T01:03:00.003+08:00

I usually hate Sundays.

But I hate this particular Sunday especially much.
I expected a Halloween-festive weekend.

I thought for the first time ever I was going to celebrate halloween.. Unfortunately no. It was just any stupid Saturday for me.
Was craving for a horror flick but no chance since PP woke up soo late & I simply couldn't bear to wake him up. -.-"
Friday was a short couple of hours spent as well before PP went to meet his gf no.2 - The Pool Table.

Maybe because of that, I feel like my entire weekend whizzed past so god damn fast.

I felt like I've studied quite hard for the past week but I haven't played hard enough to get my drive to study restarted. =\

I suddenly wish tomorrow I'm driving a stock white A4 to school instead of my externally quite pretty silver Civic.

I suddenly wish tomorrow's Tuesday cause even though I've got classes from 830am to 3pm,
I'm heading to Dragonfly after dinner with the pretty girls..
I'll take some photos and upload so you guys will apprehend my definition of "pretty girls".
I want to have some fun.
I'm eye-ing their free flow of drinks from 7 to 11.

I'm bored,
I'm emo,
I'm fucked,
I'm SHINGZ!

Where has my weekend gone to?
FML.

MAH IDOL!

2009-10-29T21:03:00.002+08:00

I swear to god he is so damn good at it!

2009-10-23T02:17:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now,
gotta tutor tomorrow morning.

Before I was supposed to sleep, I was supposed to be studying.

But halfway through, I just stopped.
My conversation with Jan today has been going through my mind on repeat mode...

& here was what came out on my rough paper semi-consciously:

Heart's feeling a little empty,
future's a little bleak.
Confidence is not what I have,
then what is all of these?

2009-10-16T00:56:00.005+08:00

It's technically Friday now..

I feel so drained this week.. Physically, mentally, & emotionally..

I don't know what's wrong with me.. It seems like I lost the ability to talk..
I realise I've been, on the whole, very quiet this entire week..

I'm not particularly happy, nor sad.
Just feel so stoned. & I wonder if it's because I'm worried for my dad. Not that I don't trust the senior surgeon who will be operating for him (though I don't know him), but somehow I feel for him? Like a temporary lost of capability of one hand makes a lot of difference. Makes you feel handicapped.. Wonder if dad will feel okay... What's worse, he don't have a partner to be there for him... It's very saddening to think about it..

From the first day I knew of dad's op, I didn't feel all of these.. Because I thought he would stay by me, sacrificing just 1 weekend of not meeting friends or going out but just accompanying me to look after my dad.. I imagined and visualized a very sweet and heartwarming picture. Dad will probably be so touched by us and I thought maybe during this time I could pluck up some courage and reveal our status, hoping he will approve us..

But tonight, I feel that I am alone in all of this.
It was all a fairy-tale/drama like imagination of mine that will never exist. Face up the reality.

I feel so pressured this entire week. I have an elder brother but I felt like I had no siblings. I felt a heavy load on my shoulder. I have to juggle with school, assignments, revision, tuition and dad. Don't be wrong, I am not complaining or grumbling that my dad is a burden. He is my responsibility. I will take care of him. If I don't, who will? Even if there is, I will still take care of him.. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am now..

But a small part of me's thinking: Then who will? Take care of me..?

Suddenly, on a night like this, I feel that I'm all alone....
This is not right.

It's funny,
the feelings are different now.. Things have changed.. You have changed..

I feel like, we are worlds apart..

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Maybe in the past, you sacrificed your friendship. I was all you had.
But now, you have him back.

I'm no longer your all..
Whether I am there or not, you have your brothers back to back you up..

Does things really have to turn out this way? Either this or that.
I don't want.
I don't want to be the cause of you losing your friendships.
Neither do I want it to affect us.
But it already did.

Sometimes, I really wonder if 2 people are in love with each other, do they have to be together?
So what if there's love?
Love isn't everything in a relationship.
Love without happiness is nothing.

Do you feel happy to have me in your life?

Yet another emo post.

2009-10-11T14:45:00.002+08:00

It's impossible to understand what's going through a guy's heart.

You told me that you wanted me and now that I've given you everything, this is our ending.
You got me, but how to sustain our relationship, you put no effort.

You told me that it was the first time you felt this way, and said that I was special;
I believed you... and it was my happiness.

You should just tell me that your feelings had faded.
Or maybe I'm no longer your number 1 priority.
I had no idea and I continued to depend on you.

They say that when you give a guy all he wants he quickly gets bored.
And now I know that's the truth...

And although I tell myself, I'll never be tricked by love again,
I fall in love, and my heart is broken again...

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who'll do anything for love,
I didn't know that living this life while being loved would be so hard.

Although I say I hate you now, I'll be missing you..
Because I'm a girl, to whom love is everything...

I'm in so much pain, more pain than I can bare,
Because I'm still in love with you...
But I learnt, that love isn't everything in a relationship....

2009-10-10T13:00:00.002+08:00

There comes a point where you suddenly realise and ask yourself, "Why are we going in circles?"

I don't think this is right. & it's apparent things are not working out.

It should be a journey.. A path.. Like a 100m hurdle race. Once you hear the gunshot, you run forward and jump over the hurdles and move on.. You don't jump over one, then make a U-turn and re-jump the hurdle do you?

Similar concept.
But this is what is happening.

The same old issue which was never solved.
You promised time and time again and again and again..
Did you keep up with it? Did you honour your words?
I wonder, if ever one day we walk along that aisle, to mark us husband and wife(if there is even this day) do I walk alone? No one to take my hand to guide me, to assure me he'll walk with me through ups and downs, through sickness and health, till death do us apart.......

Mmmm... My pair of hands, seems contagious and forbidden. It's so cold and abandoned it's longing for someone to hold.
It bothers me but you simply don't care. All you think about is yourself. Me?
.........
I'm out of words.

When you put your heart and soul into it, yet time and again you receive disappointments and empty promises, you find that you constantly have to make up excuses for the things he do that upset you, to tell yourself "forget it.. forget it.. close one eye.. never mind.. it's nothing...", there comes a point where you just cant make up any more excuses. You can't find anymore reason to take all this shit.

When all the things he do just shows that everything else is primary and you are secondary..
You are sacrificing 100% of focus on studies to share it with him.. When you try so hard to keep a balance between studies, relationship, family and friends. But I do have to admit that he would receive a tad more attention than all others.
On the other hand, his focus is entirely different. Perhaps it used to be that way.. Where he tried to strike a balance.. Till this incident shows this whole thing is actually imbalanced. His focus has changed.

It is so scary.. The change in focus is so sudden it's so hard for me to accept.
If ever a day his heart has changed, I would not even know.. Because his thinking changes so fast and I'm not even given a chance to switch my mentality with him..

We were both walking to the right.. But you're suddenly walking to the left. What about me? Trying to make a u-turn to keep up with you..

Was I given a choice?

That fact that as my partner, you don't want to take my hand despite countless promises. You do things which makes me feel like an ant in a world of giants. Small, insignificant and easy to manipulate. I am easy to manipulate because I don't ask for 5C's. I'm easily contented and non-materialistic. I am a very simple girl, who yearns to be loved, feel loved and doted, and highly cherished. I am a very simple girl whom you can put a smile on face just by taking my hand or planting a light kiss on my lips. Is all I'm asking for digging into your reserves? Does it cost you anything? The things to make me happy and to satisfy me are all things which doesn't cost a single cent. Even so, it seems like it's too much to ask for from you..

For the past 26 months, I put in my all, to love you wholeheartedly, to what you deserve.. No matter how tough life got when you were serving the nation, it never wavered my feelings for you. I waited patiently. Till all was over and time was up for you to step into the working society. I stood by you giving you all the support you needed, be it morally, spiritually, or physically.
Yet this is the kind of treatment I get at the end of 26months..
I'm not praising how great am I, neither am I any superwoman or perfect girl. Because no one is perfect, neither am I. I have my flaws.. But for you, I tried so hard to change for the better. Though not the best that I can be, but I tried. & I really did change for the better.
Have you got no feelings at all? How can you be so cruel to treat me in this way, do I deserve this? In your eyes, am I really so insignificant to you?

You love him soo much. & this is what you get in return.

This, is the time you know it's time you let go..
It's time to stop re-jumping the same hurdle when you know you'll come back again because he'll never fulfill what he promised.
It's time to stop in your tracks, walk back to the right direction instead of chasing after him to the left. Because he is not even turning back to look at you.

Who are you?

You are just a nobody who is so naive to believe all those empty promises.

I felt the strong need from you then, to have me. That you really wanted and needed me.
That was 26months ago. But not now anymore. I feel like I've been made use of to the fullest and there's nothing in me that he once saw 26months ago, to have that strong need and desire to want me to stay. To give me surprises, to do everything he did to win my heart over. I guess its time to wake up and stop using history to hold me back.
Because people change, feelings change..

Since he doesn't need your love, it's time to get off that high horse and love yourself..

My pride is pricking.

2009-10-09T11:21:00.002+08:00

Oogay my dear girls are pressing for updates already..

I wanted to blog yesterday but ended up didn't have time. It was a day planned for revision and to complete my MSM assignment due next tue. Due to extremely low - 0 productivity, I ended up rushing for it late at night. Only managed to sleep around 4am. o.O

If I don't finish it by last night, I won't have anytime to do already. =(

Hmm, basically there's nothing much to update about my life.
It has been revolving around school and tutoring.. Nothing fanciful nor fun. That's how mundane my life is right? =S

Janice Chew I am still WAITING ar..... Wanna bite you already! Grrr...

Gotta tutor later in the noon, then heading to town to meet yc and xuan to pre-celebrate dearest yc's birthday.. I forced my tired eyes to open this morning to see her sms greeting me.. Telling me that she wanna do dinner and shopping later.. She wanted to shop for a bikini.
In my half consciousness, I can't believe I actually replied this:

"Haha oogay.. You can look for leopard preens, or zibbra preens in rad? You know? Boomz!"

Lmao.
I'm amazed at how 'evil-ly' quick my mind works the minute I wake up. Haha. =x

I read a friend's blog this morning & I couldn't agree more to one of her newest postings..
She said:

A love relationship is like the stock market. It's unpredictable and fluctuates like crazy.

It's like just the last weekend we were so happy, all smiles and laughter, so lovey and cuddly.
& the next thing you know, you're feeling pissed.

It's like months ago you said you don't want to do this.
& now, you're telling me you want to do this.

It's like you just told me you plan to do something.
& the next thing you know, he wants to do something which will most probably ruin the plan.

It's like you can promise and assure me you'll do this,
at the end of the day you realise they are simply empty promises AGAIN.
Know what that feels like? It's like indirectly you're standing there laughing and pointing at me telling me,"Ha ha you're fooled again."

It's like just yesterday you feel that you're the most fortunate girl in the world,
& today you feel like you're just a pathetic fool.

It's like I feel that I love you so much so much one minute,
& the next, I hate you and I just want you to get out of my sight, get out of my life.

Hello stranger, sometimes, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.
This is so scary.

By the way, my dad is one who knows practically all my friends.. Some of them are even like "abang adeh" with him, even closer to him than me sometimes.. Haha.

So, just in case you guys are keen, FYI, my dad will be going for an operation on some nerves on his hand next friday and will be awarded for 1 or 2 days.. If you would like to pay him a visit (I'm so scared he'll feel so lonely.. ='( ), feel free to give me a buzz for details~ :o)

That's all for today folks!

2009-09-22T18:20:00.007+08:00

It's my first day of school today!

I was initially excited.. But due to the lack of sleep, I was zoning out half the time and trying to force myself to pay attention. My gawd.. =S
It has been a really long day for me with lessons starting at 830am and ending at 3pm. Then I had to tutor at 4pm. o.O

I'm like finally back home sitting comfortably on my chair..

I flopped myself onto my bed the moment I got home.. I had to bag home 3 tremendously heavy bags of notes! MSM's notes are seriously an eye opener! My jaws dropped the moment I stood outside the lecture waiting to collect my notes. Simply couldn't believe it! It's really so thick you should come and check them out. Lols.

Soo anyway, last week I was away to BKK.
Indeed a shopping paradiseee.. Whoa~ But I didn't buy alot.. Simply because there were toooo many things there that I don't know what to buy! It's oogay, baby says we'll go to BKK together end of the year.. Woo hoo~ *Winks ;)

I don't know what's with this food poisoning thingy all around? but I had a mild one when I got back from BKK. Woke up early in the morning halfway through sleep and just puked. Had fever over the weekends. But still managed to drag myself to Marcus's 22nd surprise birthday and drag myself out with Baby. Can't stand to see myself at home for the last few days of my holidays! =x Fortunately I managed to recover almost fully by yesterday.. Sweet! Wouldn't wana miss the first day of school yo... X)

Oogay, nothing much to blog about already. So lazy.. Am gona study hard!! I want my 2nd Upper Honours.. I'm not aiming for a First Class Honours cause I know where my capabilities lie... I'll just do my best... :D

Oh & I can't illustrate how egg-cited I am in the coming weekends cause we are most probably gonna hit the cinema for 4bia 2! Woo hooo!! I caught 4bia with dad, bro & xav.. Dude! It was cool shitt! I'm in for awesome scares... Bring it on baby~ XD

Picture taken quite sometime ago when all of us went to Marina Square to watch i-forgot-what-movie.
LOL! Ooops. =X

I like this photo.. Warm fuzzly feel don't you think so?
:)

Finally a Familyhoot shot. But Rina?
Sigh~

JAN ar! Faster upload our pics or send to my email kay! I'm still waiting.... Lols.

Lastly, a photo of Baby Boyfriend & I.
<3 Lub Chuu~ ^.^

When you want to do something, let the actions screen through your brains first.
Cause they will tell you in all honesty if it's wise to go ahead.
Don't tell me it doesn't work unless you have a brain the size of a pea,
OR
you simply are brainless.
Because if you wana say such brainless stuffs behind my back,
be prepared that words will get to my ears.
& when that happens, either you pick up your balls, oh wait, if you don't have, borrow from someone. Perhaps your boyfriend's. & come tell me straight in my face.

Because you wana know who does Rin detests the most?

"Liars and hypocrites."

我的天空今天有点灰

2009-09-12T03:27:00.000+08:00

2009-09-06T23:58:00.002+08:00

I've had my 2 pretty entertained weekends consecutively!

Last weekend, as usual was out with Monkey & Co.
On Saturday night, Monkey and I had a date to Bishan J8 to catch 'UP'! Yep, just the both of us... Lols rare date yea? But it was just normal lah, Monkey's such a bore sometimes. =X

Then on Sunday, we had a lunch date with Jan dearest!Simple warm lunch, coupled with FOC Cup walker courtesy of Tan Peng Peng & my very lame and racist cold jokes. Woahaha~ But it cracked all of us up please.. :D:D:D

As usual, my week:-

Had my fair share of tutoring.. Mondays and Thursdays are my "Off days" cause I don't have to tutor. Then Friday nights, Saturdays and Sundays are for some QT with my dear boyfriend. Sometimes he drives me up the wall, sometimes he makes me really happy, sometimes he's such a bore, sometimes he just can't stop fooling around like a little kid! But what to do, I fell in love with such a Monkey! *Smiles ((:

Last night, the whole big group of us: Boyfriend & I, Lionel & Shao Yu, Wei Jie & Lydia, Wilmer & Pei Fong & Alvin went on an outing... FIRST TIME EVER we did not step into Yishun Dam. Woo hoo! What a success eh. =X

All of us went to Marina Square for dinner, and the boys went to play their addictive car racing game at the arcade.. Afterwhich we all decided to venture to NANA - The Thai disco club..

Ooo my god the place sucked. Because the music sucked and the live band sucked too.. I couldn't agree more with Boyfriend that the singer's rendition of 'Rak Saam Sao' was horrible. =S

But I guess they succeeded in one thing, which I suppose, is the most important:

I felt like I was in Hat Yai.

IT'S A THAI CLUB DUDE!!!
Woahahaha~~Great experience.. ;D

Today,

is a "Happy happy day & a Lolly lolly day!"

Boyfriend & I have been waiting for this day since the day we decided on it.. We headed to Tampines Mall to get our same phone! We have always wanted to own the same phone but because he was in Army, we could never have the same phone since the camp doesn't allow camera phones. But now that he has ORD for a couple of months already in fact, "Woo hoo!"

D day has arrived!

We got the Nokia e71 in Black Steel. Sweet!

Though I'm trying really hard to learn how to use it and the keypads are sooo small despite my tiny fingers, I'm loving it! *Grin =D

Thanks to my baby for the sponsorship. =p

Waited for Jan to head over to meet us before we all left to Kembangan for super solid Mee Sua! I had my 2 best Sundays consecutively with Jan dearest & Monkey the Boyfriend! (Though he irritated me today. Grrrr >=)

Rin is on cloud nine today.

*Smily smile*

2009-09-01T23:10:00.003+08:00

Results were out early this morning...

Checked mine out at 2ish in the morning.. My oh my I flung-ed my POA.

Though I pre-empt it already, but still... a part of me were holding on to miracle.. Well, a miracle did happen in fact. I expected to fail my POA & ME.

Turned out that my ME was the best among all 4 papers. o.O"

Stunning.

Anyhow, as much as I am disappointed with my results, I can't say anything because results reflect proportionately to the amount of effort I put in.

My mind was totally shut off since Christmas 2008~

Consequence? Back to square one. I'll be finishing this course in 3 years instead of 2.

There goes my shortcut priviledge. Oh well. Suck thumb.

Xuan did an explanation to me today. That it is still possible for me to finish off with a Second Upper Honours provided for the rest of my papers I score over 60.

I really don't know if I'm capable of scoring this 60.

I plan to work hard. Not very hard like to the extreme where I spend Mondays to Sundays studying but I am determined to be disciplines like how I was the first half of the year.

Easier said than done seriously.

I'll do my best.

2009-08-28T00:33:00.006+08:00

I know everyone who knows me know that I've a fetish for jet black hair...

To the extent there was a period I kept dying my hair black.

Hmm, that might change for abit.

Maybe because I'm suddenly very sick and tired of my hair..
My stylist does not want to cut my hair for me; he said it would curl even more and look worst. So I should let it grow longer.. Outgrow the not-long-not-short length.
Twin forbids me to steam my hair cause she claims that my hair's damn soft already and I'm wasting money on treatment... =(

But I can't stand my hair!
So I'm thinking of dying my hair. Contemplating since the beginning of August.

& guess what's my new find?
I went to Watsons and saw this new Liese bubble hair dye that looks sooo pretty and cool that I'm really really tempted to buy it!

Basically the hair dye liquid when pressed out, comes out in foam and when you dye, it's like shampooing your hair!
That easy!
Cool?

But I reeeeally can't make up my mind if I want to dye my hair or not.

I can't bear to part with my black hair. Boo.
At the same time, I want a change.

Haha I'm contradicting myself I know.

How people? To dye or not to dye?

PART TWO

2009-08-25T04:29:00.055+08:00

Oogay,

let's continue with pictures from my 22nd Birthday Celebration.

At Canelle: -

Madame

Myself

Best Friend

My 2 Favourite Girls Xuan & Yc ((:

My twinnie!

My Xuanny!

Love the effect on the pic. Cool huh? ;D

A stoned Jan & Hot twin. =p

This is what I call: "Tatch mah barreh~"

Aiyoooo~ Ain't she soo adorable... X)

I had the best of both worlds.

Who said one can't? :o)

Happy Faces!

Another pair of Happy Faces! =)

Love my BH~ ("v")

Tired Kerlyn

My Madame.. =D

Shocked got birthday cake!

Credits to Jan dear.. *Hugs

I love this pic though Mr P looks kinda funny here.. =O

What's up man...

This is a treasure!

Cause my king detests PDA... =X

Black Legion Boys

Group Pic courtesy of Norman.

I was so damn red. =X

Raine & Dada

Lots of ♥ for the both of you!

August 17th 2009 - Dinner with ex Jet Quay Colleagues

Dinner was at Iluma - Ebisboshi Shotengai.

Love the caterpilla sushi.. Its not some caterpilla kay, it's avocado wrap with like crabmeat and stuff. Yummy.

Company was good, though a little awkward to see each other. It has been a really long time since I met all of them. But it was all good. (:

Yvonne. Shu shu. Me!

Michael Daddy ^.^

Shu shu - One of my favourite people in Jet Quay :o)

With shu shu & our so so handsome GM Ray =p

Mae Din. Rosalind . Belinda . Yvonne . Shu Fen . Rin

The Jet Quay Team - EX

Haha ;D

August 20th 2009 - Xuan's 22nd Birthday Dinner

In the day, Madame & Twin came over as we all wanted to watch Hangover together...
(Bro had the DVD. Heh. ;D)

Boyfriend decided to pop by as he had couple of hours to spare before his next appointment..
So my brother, boyfriend, madame, twin & I ordered Mac delivery... Eased all our cravings of Mac Ice lemon tea, shaker fries, wasabi filet blah while watching hangover.. What a warm lunch right? ;D Too bad I was too busy, had to prepare to meet Xuan for her birthday dinner so I didn't get to finish the show with the girls.. Will have to rewatch it again. & King Peng you're so gonna watch it with me! >=)

Twin say boyfriend wear until so handsome must take photo.

Woahaha.

Love you! (o'.'o)

Whose photography skills har?

Take us until so tiny! Tsk.

Spot my cute miffy face towel?! ;D

I like this! (:

^.^

2 Additional pics taken another day: Twin & I @ my place.

I look like shit here but nevermind. Haha. =X

Say "Hi" to my Boss...

Yea, that pink thing is mah boss. >=)

Back to where we were..

Next was dinner at Iluma at Ebisboshi Shotengai again.

My recommendation cause I thought the food was pretty good. ;)
Xuan's treat. SOP every year for her Birthday..
Big thanks xuanny! Hope you enjoyed your day...

Xuan & Yan

Xuanny & I

So mean hor, I was smiling nicely & they were making funny faces..

Idiot! Lol.

Angry. Don't wanna take already. BH's turn.

Woahahaa. XD

Haypi Birthday KOPI SOH! =p

Xuan & Xiao Quan/Jasper

((:

With her best friend Charlene & Charlene's boyfriend Zi Xiang

Group Photo

She wish that Nescafe will sponsor her yearly supply of KOPI.

LOL. Just kidding. XD

Xuan, I help you wish.. "Wish for 77 to be my boyfriend!"

HOR EH! >=D

In the car before BH drops off..

Smileeeee

August 21st 2009 - Dinner with Sisterhoot

Dinner was at Jack's Place Compass Point..

Was craving for steak. Very satisfying... ;)

Once again, because I'm too broke, KTV session was put off..

Sorry if I disappointed any of you girls.

Alrighty!

I've updated alll my outdated happenings and photos. Like FINALLY. Time check 432am. o.O"

Dad came back last night from KL.

By right he had bought his return air tickets. But when he got to the KL airport, he realised he forgot to bring his passport. Champion eh my daddy. Lols. In the end he had to take a coach back and arrived at night 9pm instead of 4pm.

The first thing I reach Woodlands Checkpoint, daddy opened the back seat and put his luggage and said, "I drive?" So I got down and walked by the rear towards the passenger seat and Dad stopped me halfway and handed me this box and said, "Nah, Happy belated Birthday~"

Whoaa I was sooo happy cus it was a Braun Buffel Box.

Though it isn't the exact one which I wanted, it's still pretty! Will love it since it's from my daddy.

It's a hot purplish pink Braun Buffel leather car key holder. :D

Yay! Very haypi...

Met twin for lunch and some neighbourhood shopping today at Junction 8 till evening daddy came and pick the 2 of us up... QT QT. =)

Apart from being very sian that I have to tutor tomorrow, I'm rather happy cause each new day means it's another day nearer to Saturday... & I'm totally looking forward to my weekend cus FINALLY King Peng is gonna bring me to watch UP!

I have been pestering him even before the movie started showing...

Yay! I feel like a kid. Hahaha. =X

Oogay, I'm gonna stop here for now. I'm freaking tired.. But before I go, just wana say one thing on my mind today:

"Don't treat the whole world like a fool, because you never know you're the fool to the world."

PART ONE

2009-08-19T15:53:00.044+08:00

Hello people, I am back!

I promised Ms Seng that I will update my blog last Wednesday since I had the entire day free to myself..

Unfortunately this post has taken me 7 days to complete!

Not that I have been procrastinating, but THE internet and blogger has been giving me hell loads of problem of late. Seems that several webbies have been anti-Firefox-ing. Damn annoying! So much so that I am most probably gonna swop over to wordpress. Till the day my patience with blogger has ended, that's it man.

The only thing that's holding me back now is my already very customised virtual space. I doubt wordpress is able to give that personal touch. But oh well, we can't have the best of both worlds can we?

I've neglected my blog for so so long that I have too many updates. I'm stuck. Wondering how and where should I go about updating..

Mmmm...

Let's just rewind it back to::

July 18th 2009 - King Peng's 23rd Birthday / 2nd Anniversary

Dinner at popeyes followed by Caesers at Bugis.

Attendees:

King Peng . Rin . Jason . Kerlyn . Lionel . Shao Yu

Kerlyn & Myself

The new couple: Shao Yu & Lionel

Mah Boyfriend. (:

Kerlyn & Jason

Lionel's signature smile with Peng

Brothers forever please.... =)

Kerlyn & Shao Yu

Me & Shao Yu

King's Birthday Cake

Haypi Birthday!

<3>

LOL. So gay!

With the girlfriends..

This is the climax of the night man..

See the girl in orange? She was DAMN high and she came with her colleagues and sang this DAMN high Happy Birthday song. She's totally hilarious!! & she even put cake on peng's face.

Woahahaha.

Totally random but memorable.. ;D

Make a wish & earn more money!

HUAT AR~

August 3rd 2009 - Dinner date with Twin & Madame

Life is unpredictable.

Girlfriends are diamonds.

In the past, I am one who never makes much effort to maintain a friendship. But as I grew older, as I went through my downs and sorrows, I realise that at the end of the day, my girlfriends are the ones who are really there for me, who never gave up on me though everyone else did.

Boyfriends are love, but girlfriends give us something else that sometimes boyfriend can't.

The number of close friends that I have does not require me to seek my toes for help counting with. Perhaps one hand is sufficient. But they are more than all I can ever ask for..

Twin & Madame, cheers to our friendship! :o)

There was a reason why we are twins.

But we grew up and may not lead the life we used to live, nevertheless, our friendship stays strong...

((:

Self-timer shot 1

France & Italy

She's the last friend I made in Poly. In our last year. Our friendship's amazing to come this far..

& it took us this long to realise that we are becoming more and more similar in any aspects of our life..

I love her because she never fails to be such a dear!

Madame loves Atun, Atun loves Madame.

Hmmmmmeeee! ;D

Self-timer shot 2

This is my personal favourite. =p

This is Madame's personal favourite. Hmmmee.

There are actually many many many more self-timer shots but I picked out random ones/nice ones to post only.. Tooo many already. =p You can view the rest on Facebook if you want.. =)

August 6th 2009

Basically Thursdays are my free days where I have the entire day to myself.

Free & easy.

Very carefree..

So I kept 2 thursdays to spring clean my entire room. School's starting and it's time I give my room a good packing up so I'm all ready for school...

I have very clean, neat & tidy room now..

Madame can vouch for it! =D

August 7th 2009 - Dinner date with Mouse Bestie

The day the two little petite girls headed to Far East Plaza and had 2 sets of Chix Rice EACH.

Woahaha.

Basically we had not eaten anything the entire day and by the time we met up in the evening, the both of us were starving... =p

Very satisfying!

After dinner, we headed to ION. (My 1st time there) Heh.

I felt so lost and we walked till we were soo drained out..

Sweet boyfriend came down to pick the both of us up and sent us home.. X)

It just wasn't a day for photo-taking cause all the photos were soo ugly.

Only this is decent.

& as you can see, that's because it's blurred! Bah.

Still, ♥♥.

August 10th 2009 - Kerlyn's 21st Birthday Party

Have not received any photos taken on that day.. =(

Miss Kerlyn & Miss Jieying, please surrender the photos asap! Shank you weli much. X)

August 12th 2009 - My 22nd Birthday Celebration

Attendees:

King Peng . Yang Cheng . Jie Ying . Jia Xuan . Jorin . Lorraine . Janice . Linda . Kerlyn . Jason . Vincent

It was a busy day for me as I had to tutor in the afternoon.

My day started out sucky as there was a temporary cut off the electricity supply and it happened before I managed to leave my house. o.O

Pathetic me had to walk down 22 storeys in my heels. Congratulate me cause I had a torn blister on my left heel immediately after I got down and got in the car. Saw it when I was checking my very very VERY painful and strained thighs and feet. My legs felt so wobbly and my muscles were so strained I could hardly walk the stairs anymore.

Thanks to all my girlies who met me for dinner held on to me and helped me with my whereabouts. Ultimate sweetness. I appreciate it sooo much! As for the next 2 days, I don't even wanna mention. The immense pain from my aching muscle made my tears threaten to well up every single time I had to take the stairs. Thankfully I was with Baby the next few days and he helped to my legs once in awhile. Though so painful I wanna punch him every time he does that, it did help! Lols..

Dinner with the girls was at Canelle. It was planned by Yang Cheng & Jia Xuan. Thank you the two of you for planning dinner and paying such delicate care and attention to my day.. Very touched!

Food wasn't fantastic but company was awesome. All of us had our fair share of laughter and we-all-know-what. LOL.

Thank you all soooo much for the birthday present ($.$) & for treating me to dinner knowing I'm so broke. =X One of my happiest birthdays ever! Feel so loved by all of you.. When I start earning moolahs, I will buy ALL OF YOU dinner!!

After dinner, best friend drove all of us down to Tag's place.

The Black Legion boys made an effort to come down too knowing I'm celebrating my birthday there. How nice. But I'm not gonna thank them here cause no one reads my blog. Haha.

Overall, I felt very very loved lah!

Love all my girlfriends and my monkey! :D:D

Pictures in Part 2......... Sorry for the inconvenience!

Blogger & Mozilla Firefox & Internet explorer's SCREWED! -.-