*sigH* yEstErdAy wAs a friDay.. lAst daY of skeWl fer da wEek, fuN leSsonS, tAlk bY jeFfEry aU, motHerly aCcountinG tuTorial leCturEr.. alL tuRnEd ouT sO wEll.. aFter skeWl supPosEd to mEet muh swEetiE eVelyN tHen gO to da caFe minG rEn intRoducEd n sEe iF wE wAnNa wOrk dEre..
da caFe, unfoRtunaTely, disApPointEd me quiTe aBit.. fuRst of alL, mAybe alL aLong i miStAken daT minG rEn toLd me it wAs in rAffLes hOtel.. bud daTs ooKay.. iSnt a big pRob aT alL.. bud wHen i sTepPed in, da aTmospHeRe n fEelinG wAsnt rigHt at alL.. tHus, waS wondErinG whEther or noT i wanNa wOrk deRe.. sO, gueSs dis wAs da furSt eVent of da turninG poiNt of dA daY.. afTer daT, had tA waiT n waiT to meEt meL n xuAn to buy da niKe baG fRom daT auCtioN feLlow.. waiTing wAsnt dat teRribLe, bud dA baG iTseLf diSapPointed mE oncE aGain, daT is, dA 2nd tYm in dA daY..
aNywaY, so we din bUy daT baG n wE pRoCeeDed to suntEc.. (evElyn, dAda, roLanD, wEijiE, iAn n zAn yAn) roLand aSked if i wAnna eAt caFe caRtel.. n i sAid anytinG see dA reSt of eM.. i din noE daT jeS dis misEraBle sEntEncE cuminG ouT fRom mY misERabLe mouTh aT dA misERabLe moOd oF minE at daT poiNt in tYm cAusEd mAny tinGs to hapPen laTer oN.. n tHen when we rEconfiRmed n dAda aSked, roLand sAy dun wAnna eAt caFe caRtel anymoRe.. da eVe n i tOt sincE dEy dun wAnnA maKe a deciSion, wE'lL jes eAt any oLd hoW.. daTs hoW we eNded up in mAc.. i tOt roLand wAs kindA givinG aTtituDe bud i din gO aSk y cuS i was rAtheR iRritAteD by da "caNnoRt mAke any dEcisIons" thinGy..
so after dinNer wE wEnt doWn to bonKers.. mE zAnyan eVelyn n daDa cabbEd doWn.. rolAnd iAn n wEntAo toOk da trAin.. weijiE leFt to meEt jaSon at hiLton.. so when We reAched bonkeRs, iaN told uS dAt jaSon n wEijiE wud b cuminG doWn.. n dAda n i tOt of gOing oFf.. bud we wErent determinEd yet.. sO i din noE y da helL rolAnd maKe suchA big fuSs n say: "aiyAh go home loR go homE loR" n he wAlked oFf.. so i was lyk:wTh? den neBer minD.. aFter dAt we wEre siTting doWn, sTarting to drink n roLand aSked mE to go ouT.. n he told me he's leAving n wAntEd to give me money to caB hm laTer bud i din wAn.. n dAts whEn he toLd mE ytD he goRt his paY n wAntEd to brinG me to sumwheRe nice to eAt n i jes told him anyting n ask him to sEe da rEst of em.. nexT, he said nVm bouT da dinNer.. i said i wAnted to dRink ytD n he cAme doWn to open a boTtle n whEn i reAch jes bcuS of onE jaSon, i wAnna go oFf..
oKay so daTs how eVeryting sTarteD.. furSt of alL, yEs i mAy be wRonG to do alL da tinGs wiThouT thinkiNg bouT his fEelingS.. itS alwAys da case when a quaRrel brEaks ouT beTween uS.. eAch quarrel, iT apPeArs daT im da onE in da wronG.. buD y iSsit sO? bcuS i do tings unintEntionalLy to huRt him.. y? bcuS he neVer telL me! haRlo? iF u dun telL mE, hoW m i supPosEd to noE? u dun eXpeCt me to be gOd? u dun eXpEct me to be aBle to noE wAd u r tinkinG eVery min n eVery sEc.. i meAn, u urSeLf dun telL mE, i duNno anytinG, n thEn when i do tinGs aGainst wAd u wanTed, u becum unhapPy, we quaRrel, n then its my fauLt aGain. n eVery tYm i sEem stubBorn n throW tAntrums in da enD itS bCus i feel sO unfAir! i duNno anyting at alL u dun telL mE.. u din say: "hey daRling.. i jes gort my pay wE go eAt sumting nicEr tonite k?" instead wAd diD u telL me? "We eAt cafe caRtel wan anorT?" how wud i noE! aNy sinGle humAn bEing wilL tink dat u jes crAve for caRtel n so u wanna eAt dAt daTs alL!n so i fEel unfair bcus yes, thouGh alL da tingS u did is fer mE, wit goOd intentionS, bud i dunNo a shit n dEn u expeCt me to noE n then in da end it makeS tinGs always sEem lYk: 'oh rolAnd always do this this this for eRin n then in da end erin dun even appreCiaTe.. always fa da xiAo jie pi qi blaH blAh blAh..' bud haVe anyonE eVer toT of puTting emsElves in my shoEs? rolAnd talkEd to me alort ytD outSide boNkerS bud i kept quiet.. ian told me ytD i musnT always be so stubBorn.. bud wAd do alL of u noE? yEs, im a humAn bEing, of cuS i noE wAd rolAnd did wAs alL foR mE, i noe lyk wad he saY, he cAn dun eVen botHer to do alL deSe fEr mE.. i noE! i undERsTand! bud at dat poiNt in tYm, when a quaRrel hapPen alReadY, dEn u cuM n telL me y weRe u doing alL thosE tings.. ask yeRself. iSnt it too latE? if u haf told me everyting u wanTed befoRe hAnd, n eVeryting goeS welL, iSnt it true dat dis stupiD quarRel wun eVen eXisT? its lYk, u neVer telL me anyting u expect me to noE n then now its my faulT? wad nonSensE? anyway i dun wAnna kip rEpeAting mySelf.. on da other hAnd, probAbly lyk u saiD, WhEn We wEre at maC n i sAw u giVing aTtitudE i cud haF gone to ask u wad hapPen.. okAy, dis i aDmit im at fauLt.. i shuD haf at leaSt gone to ask u wAds wronG.. bud wAdeVer it iS, i dun wiSh to tok bouT dis anymoRe..
continuing fRom ytD's eVents, alort more hapPenEd bud i tink its too long an entrY, bud alL i haftA say ish daT peoplE, u wun be able to contAct me foR quite a period of Tym bcus i losT my hp yesterdaY.. sO, yuPx.. fAced da music dis moRninG.. n dAd's deTerminEd noT to get mE a neW hp.. dAd's pisSed bouT me hAnGing arnd wiT mY, he calL em 'bu san bu si' frEns.. i duNno wAd elSe is he piSsed ovEr.. he's troubLed oVer finAncial probLems.. n he's prolLy jes vEntinG his angEr on mE esp whEn i lost my phonE.. buD beinG in suCh sTate i douBt he'lL undErsTand dAt i din wAn to loSe my hp eitHer.. thouGh im cRazy over da neW saMsung phone i haF nevEr pinNed any hopEs in gEtting daT phonE bcuS i noe itS impossibLe.. deRe's so muCh so muCh memorieS n tinGs in my pHonE daT no onE wilL understand hoW muCh it hurTs to losE dat pHoNe..
dAd sAys i cAnt expeCt him to telL me he's sAd over moneY iSsuEs, daD saYs he's sAving so much so aS to leT me n bRo enjoY.. daD sAys hE's tireD.. hE's tirEd to tAke cAre oF uS.. daD oncE sAid if he cuD leAve diS woRld, he wuD n noRt wAn to sEe n faCe alL dEse anymoRe.. i undERsTand being a sinGle paRent iSnt eAsy.. bud doEs he undERsTanD me? im noT wAd he sEe eVerydAy.. yes i apPear to be alwAys out enjoYinG.. buD doEs he noE dAt haVing suchA sTreSsfuL timetaBle n seMeStEr is enough to kilL mE? n yeT he's noRt giVing me any monEy.. expEnsEs, scHoOl fEes, concEssiOn.. da onLy tinG is he paYs for my hp bilL.. bud i gueSs, now, i've helpEd hiM to lighTen a burDen.. i wiSh i cud stop my brAces treAtmEnt so dat u wudnt haF to paY for my treAtmeNt eveRy mth bud i canT becuS it wud be too muCh of a sAcrificE.. im soRry i cant do it.. having saiD daT, a streSsful timetable wud meAn daT i migHt not eVen haf tym fer a paRt-time job.. eVen if so, one wEek sat n sun, how muCh can i eArn.. n if i can eArn, im closE to 100% gurantEed dat i wun be able to make it in terms of acAdemic wisE..
i gueSs dEre's onLy one wAy ouT.. daT is to drop skewL.. i noe it may be a siLly ting to do bud afTerall its only da sTart of yeAr 2.. doEsnt meAn dat a peRson with onLy O'leVels qualificAtions wudnt make it biG.. i'lL talk to dAd nicelY.. i promisE nort to flaRe.. i'lL talk to him.. if i drop skeWl, i'lL then be abLe to woRk fulL-timE n tHen i can heLp dAd out financialLy n i can supPort mysElf toO.. we'lL sEe wad woRks ouT from heRe.. daT iS, if hE's eVen wilLing to lisTen n tAlk...
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