I just realised that despite the 'game over' situation, my posts are still titled the number of days he have been in camp. I once told you as long as that very day I love you, I will be waiting... 2 years, 730 days, supposedly 730 posts. Today is Day 346. And I am gonna stop here officially for 346th day of waiting. Sorry Baby, how I really wished I could love you and wait for you longer. You told me once that your friends told you if your gf could wait for you and not leave you for this 2yrs, she's the one for you. I could wait for you. But now, I have lost all the faith and meaning in waiting.
I am not gonna say I wasted 346 days of my life, for you were afterall one whom I loved and cherished very deeply. You were one whom accepted my past, accepted the present me, accepted all my spoilt behaviour, accepted all my flaws and was more than willing to walk the future with me. I am really grateful for everything that you have done and put up with me. I wouldn't ask for more than you can give. You know I am not the kind of materialistic girl who goes for money, cars and fame. All I want is a simple life. For you to make me feel loved, cherished, pampered and important, to you at least. I received all of this in the beginning, and that was why I gave up everything and anything just to be with you 2yrs back. But you started to drift further away, into someone whom I do not really know. It really scares and hurts me sometimes. No. Then again, most of the times. But I chose to accept everything, if doing this bit of sacrifice could make us go a longer way. But there's a limit to every single soul's ability and patience. I am really tired. Tired of accepting. Tired of forgiving. Tired of receiving the same treatment from you. Tired from hearing the same excuses/reasons from you. Tired of all, literally ALL the empty promises from you. Tired of all the blames you put on SAF. SAF has got NOTHING to do with our love, our life. We manage it. We maintain it. We. It takes two hands to clap. I guess I have just reached my desperation limit. That's just it.
Goodbye, my lover.
Life has been pretty mundane. Sleepless nights. Night outs. Plenty of love and concern received from many, including people whom I least expect to receive care and concern from. I just wanna say thanks to all. You people know who you are. I am utmost grateful that least I have all you lovelies there for me. Especially to you. [[*A-p-p-l-e.*]]
Have been pretty caught up with tutoring as usual. The exams are finally gonna be over after this week. Then that would mean lesser stress. *Phew*
Thankfully, I have this little baby boy to keep the drive in my life going. No matter how bad a day I have had, the silly jokes and nonsense from him and him clinging on to my thighs was all enough to make me smile for the rest of the day. Despite the many and majority 'driving-me-crazy' times, I just love him so...............
Right, that's all for now. I gotta go for my next lesson already. Till then, peace out.
PS: -
Gan: I left my cam in the car so I cant upload the pics yet, when I've got it then I promise you I'll upload it. :))
Seah: One more week! Will pick you up at the airport darling! And then it's time for us to leave this country.... =D
France: France! Our date on Saturday! Love you..... X)
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Featured Song in my blog:
[[That depicts so well of me now]]
I'll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just cant seem to find it.
So I've made my mind up I must live
my life alone
And though it's not the easy way
I guess I've always known
I'd say goodbye to love.
There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I'll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
Ive been wrong
But for now this is my song
And it's goodbye to love.
I'll say goodbye to love.
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