It is really really tiring to work on a full-time basis & coach 4 pupils at the same time. Someone please just knock me out. Grrrr. Hoi Fai calls me a superwoman. =O It's no fun being a superwoman..
Anyway, I've got many things to say today.
First of all, let me announce the good news first. I did well for my 2nd & 3rd test! 2nd test 96, 3rd test 100, FULL MARKS! Woo Hoo. When was the last time I did so well for my tests and exams man...? I think for my law paper in TP... =XX See, this shows only ONE THING. I excel only in things I'm interested in. X)
Honestly, I've been very hardworking.. I pay really 101% attention in class. Even if the next day I don't have test and no matter how tired I am after tuition, I would force myself to revise before I go to bed. I take notes studiously like I've never taken any notes in my entire life. My daddy praise me for performing well in Starhub and he also added that it ought to be this way as well when I start school with UOL. (That is IF my application is successful because apparently I've got no news yet.)
Today, I had test 4 on billing. Recently I've been very very tired because I haven had rest since I started with Starhub officially last Monday.. So I can't seem to focus as well compared to the other 2 tests. =( I already found out I've got 1 mistake. *Sigh* I'm just praying hard that I don't fail because
1) I don't wanna take retest
2) I wanna get the BEST NEW HIRE AWARD
>.<
Last Saturday, I went to Punggol End alone to take a breather. Sat on the sand looking at the waves hitting on the shore. As I was sitting alone in the dark cold night, the chilly wind blowing against my face as if asking me to cheer up from all that sadness and blowing away all my troubles.... No doubt, I felt better after I headed there.. It was a really great time spent with myself.. ((: I mean, out of the seven days in a week, I feel that all of us spend practically most of our time doing things for other people instead of ourselves. Take for example:-
- Tasks of a housewife, it's for the family.
- Tutoring. It's mainly for the benefit of the student.
- Driving. You drive someone around, to somewhere, or even if it's for your own. Why do you need to go there? School? It's for the school. Office;Work? It's for your boss/company. Camp? Its for the SAF/Air Force/Navy/Government Body.
- Love. Some people love their other half so much they are willing or are prepared to sacrifice themselves for the benefit, satisfaction or happiness of him/her. (I'm a live example.)
- Personality. Some are just born with the almost perfect personality of always thinking for others before thinking about themselves.
How long ago was it that you last REALLY loved and pampered yourself, protected yourself, spared a thought for yourself, thought for yourself before you think about others?
I don't know, maybe this doesn't hit you as a realization like a wakening call for you've always been loving, caring & protecting yourself from all hurt.
For that matter, I think I ought to change. I realized I've been pretty miserable. I figured I spared a thought or two too much for others more than for myself. Even if it's for loved ones, sometimes when the other party doesn't do the same or express the same level of thinking and feeling as you do, it feels like total crap. So at the end of the day, it's a win-lose situation. & I figured somehow on some level I've became rather dependent on others. Particularly my boyfriend. & I doubt on any circumstances, it's beneficial for my self progression. So, yup. As of today, I officially announce that I'm going to pull myself away from all pillars of support and rely on my 2 feet. Because why?
You, yourself is the most reliable source and form of support. You can never trust or rely on any1 more than yourself because only you are most true to yourself.
Anyway, I discovered I've got 21 mosquitoes in total on my both legs from the hour I spent at Punggol End. =O My dad saw it yesterday and he got a shock out of he's life because it looks kind of scary when it's many red spots together. Thereafter the shock, I got ticked off for not being more pro-active when I knew I was going to such mosquito-y places. =S My cousins and dad have been rather worried that I'd be down with Chikungunya or Dengue..
Dad called me when I was on the bus home from tution. He wanted to see where I was and pick me home since he had some free time from the air show. & I haven gotten any dinner because I spent my last 3bucks activating boyfriend's ez link card so I'm in a state of bankrupt now considering there wasn't any suitable ATMs @ yck mrt to let me draw some money. =( So daddy has so sweetly went to get me one of my favourite food Fishball Noodles and brought it home for me...
I was feeling kind of down and totally worn out so I didn't sound very lively and happy on the phone & daddy got very worried. He thought probably I was showing symptoms of dengue.. He went, "Why do you sound like that? What happened? Huh? Are you okay anot??" (in this worried tone) & for a moment I felt like crying... ='(
Bad times can be overcomed but the aftermath is a very emotional and mood-swinged me. I tend to pity myself each time I'm going through hardship and think back on how wonderful childhood I have, & how wonderful it is for others to have complete happy families now and how I yearn sometimes, to bring my childhood life back.. But, I know, that can never be possible - my hands are tight & that's probably why I get upset easily.. & I feel very lonely because my best friend's out of town. Friends have boyfriends or work and are too busy for me.. Boyfriend have his own life he can't give me all the attention in the world. Brother is always working till late. Dad is either out of town or working so most of the time I come home to be welcomed by silence and darkness. People rush home after work to eat mummy's home-cooked food but I don't have and can never have that again.. Students have friends to hang around with. Married couples leave house together to go to work together and get to have their hubby pick them up when they knock off.. Some even have kids, a family to look forward to at the end of the day. Blah.
For me, the end of the day marks a worser day when I have to drag my whole body to tutor. I am really really very tired.
Well, it's okay.
Like I mentioned, I'm going to be independent.
I'll accept my life and make the best out of it.
I'll love myself more.
I'll spend more time with myself more than always asking boyfriend to accompany me.
I'll just stop whining or complaining.
I'm sorry it's such a random long, whiny & emo post.
Anyway, I discovered I've got 21 mosquitoes in total on my both legs from the hour I spent at Punggol End. =O My dad saw it yesterday and he got a shock out of he's life because it looks kind of scary when it's many red spots together. Thereafter the shock, I got ticked off for not being more pro-active when I knew I was going to such mosquito-y places. =S My cousins and dad have been rather worried that I'd be down with Chikungunya or Dengue..
Dad called me when I was on the bus home from tution. He wanted to see where I was and pick me home since he had some free time from the air show. & I haven gotten any dinner because I spent my last 3bucks activating boyfriend's ez link card so I'm in a state of bankrupt now considering there wasn't any suitable ATMs @ yck mrt to let me draw some money. =( So daddy has so sweetly went to get me one of my favourite food Fishball Noodles and brought it home for me...
I was feeling kind of down and totally worn out so I didn't sound very lively and happy on the phone & daddy got very worried. He thought probably I was showing symptoms of dengue.. He went, "Why do you sound like that? What happened? Huh? Are you okay anot??" (in this worried tone) & for a moment I felt like crying... ='(
Bad times can be overcomed but the aftermath is a very emotional and mood-swinged me. I tend to pity myself each time I'm going through hardship and think back on how wonderful childhood I have, & how wonderful it is for others to have complete happy families now and how I yearn sometimes, to bring my childhood life back.. But, I know, that can never be possible - my hands are tight & that's probably why I get upset easily.. & I feel very lonely because my best friend's out of town. Friends have boyfriends or work and are too busy for me.. Boyfriend have his own life he can't give me all the attention in the world. Brother is always working till late. Dad is either out of town or working so most of the time I come home to be welcomed by silence and darkness. People rush home after work to eat mummy's home-cooked food but I don't have and can never have that again.. Students have friends to hang around with. Married couples leave house together to go to work together and get to have their hubby pick them up when they knock off.. Some even have kids, a family to look forward to at the end of the day. Blah.
For me, the end of the day marks a worser day when I have to drag my whole body to tutor. I am really really very tired.
Well, it's okay.
Like I mentioned, I'm going to be independent.
I'll accept my life and make the best out of it.
I'll love myself more.
I'll spend more time with myself more than always asking boyfriend to accompany me.
I'll just stop whining or complaining.
I'm sorry it's such a random long, whiny & emo post.
Brace up Rin!
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