Enough is ENOUGH.

One thing after another and another and another.

It's never ending.

I try and I try and I try to be a better girlfriend.

Again and again I put in my all and I do my all to fit the pieces back again like a broken jigsaw puzzle.


YET time and time again and again and again you have to destroy the pieces which I've put it back so hard with so much effort and love. & train myself to be the not perfect girl but at least the girl with all the traits that would not make you turn away.


It's okay if you don't appreciate me, but at least I seek and I plead mercy for you to stop treating me hot and cold and as if to cry and laugh at the beck of your call.


I tell myself it will be okay. No one relationship is smooth sailing. Everyone says there are ups and downs. Everyone tells me to bear with it and be strong to overcome the obstacles and emerge stronger in terms of personality, in terms of endurance, in terms of character as well as in terms of the love between the two of us.

But apparently it was only on my own part. Quarrels after quarrels did not deter me from our relationship, did not lessen my love for him a single bit. In fact made me understand and know him better and to learn to accept and love him for who he is.
Apparently to him, quarrels after quarrels we have become distant.
I kept quiet. Not because I agreed to it. But because I respected his way of seeing things.
Therefore silently, I try to make it up to him. I try to make him see that things are still the way they were. That I still care for him so much. That I still love him whole heartedly devotedly. & that nothing has changed.


But given that he wouldn't let me in to his life, to his heart, how am I supposed to achieve that?
I am no superwoman, I certainly do not perform miracles. I am a human being.
A simple living thing on earth who yearns for happiness and bliss as much as anyone & everyone else. I hung on to us for dear life, to the thought that we could settle down for the rest of our lives. To the thought that this is what I've wanted and fought for my whole life.


All the bad I took in my stride and choose to forget. All the good I clung on to them and remind myself each and everyday as a motivation for me not to give up. All my bad I remind myself day after day after day to get rid off and all the good I remind myself day after day after day to not let it change.


Once upon a time,
You loved me with all your heart.
You did everything and anything just for me.
You could give up anything just for me as long as I said it.
You loved me so much you couldn't bear to lose me.
You told me the thought of losing me one day just scares you so much.
You treasured me so very much to the extent that you became pretty possessive.
You can get jealous of anything and everything.
You wanted to do so much for me.
You promised to even quit smoking for me even though you know it's so difficult.
You can only think of being with me every possible minute and second before you enter the army.
You plead for me to stay with you through the tough times in army, to wait for you for 2 years despite knowing that is a very selfish thinking...


There and then, I promised you. I will. & until now, I am still carrying out my promise to you.
That very day, I pledge my love for you, I pledge my promise to you.

I guess you were just vulnerable at that point of time. In tough times, you needed someone to be there for you. The tough times are over. You've emerged a tougher man. So you do not need all that you needed that time anymore. That includes me.

I guess our relationship took a plunge ever since the issue of your car came in between us as a barrier and every single quarrel was due to that.

Whether you believe it or not. It's up to you. You may not see it now, but 10 20years down the road when you look back to this day, you may or may not realise that for a non-living thing who does not have a heart and does not care for you, you hurt a living thing who has a very fragile heart and who loves you with her all. You may or may not regret. I don't know. Only the above and you, yourself know.

I don't seek for you to give up on your proclaimed "interest". All I wanted to get the point across was, there was a line drawn between 'being practical' and 'pursuing your interest'. But you never till today, seem to be able to get my point. Instead you told me,"If your interest weren't on car, you have no more interest in your life anymore." Once again, I kept quiet. & once again, it's not because I agreed, but I just didn't want to say.

When we first met, I never known you had such a ridiculously expensive interest which turned you into a total different person. You were no longer the apple boy that I fell in love with. To the extent you could actually fight and quarrel with me over it. What happened to all that promise that for me you can give up anything?

I will say it now, that when we first met, you had an interest. Even without the crazy interest for your car, you had an interest.

& that interest, was me.

Because you were only interested in me, you went crazy over me and for me you can do anything and everything. Exactly the same as what you have for your car now. For your reddy, you can save on everything. You can give up spending on necessities like food and selling away old stuffs just to get money so that you can mod your car.

It's not that you wouldn't have any interest. But your interest has changed. From me, to your reddy. You are no longer interested in me.


Have you ever thought, what can you achieve from doing all this?
Is reddy going to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow.
Does reddy promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honour and respect you, to laugh with you and to cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as you two shall live?
Reddy is dead. It is a non-living thing.
I am alive. I am a living thing. & I pledge to the vow I've written above. Yet, you still choose reddy, and choose to hurt me, to gradually destroy our love that we've both built over the past 10 over mths, destroy the kinship with your dad who supported you for the whole 22yrs of life who was even the one who brought you to this earth. Without him, what are you? You're nothing. For you, he gave you all you wanted. Even he didn't want a manual car, for you he compromised and lived with it. He told you proton was a lousy car, but for you, he got it. Despite no savings, he still gave you some pocket money every now and then. Every day without fail, be it breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper, he never failed to care for that tummy of yours. Though the amount of food that he gets may get overboard, but it is, without a doubt, his way of showering you with his parental love.

I still remember, when I first met you again after so many years.. You cared so much for your dad. You teared for him. His accident had caused you to be affected in your final project in Nafa. You struggled with school, with having to send/pick your mum from work as well as visiting your dad in the hospital. You were so scared and so worried for your dad. You thought you weren't going to get through it. Even your lecturer told you that you were not going to make it.
But look what had happened? You got through everything. You braced through the dark stormy days. Your dad recovered. That was the apple boy so full of love and drive, feeling so despaired yet never giving up through the many sleepless nights following the dateline for your final project. When you told me about it, I felt the wound in you still so raw...
What happen now?
Apparently time has healed all your wounds and you're taking him for granted once again. Have you forgotten how close you were to losing him? Why are you always so rude to him always raising your voice at him, hurling hurtful words at him every time he says something that pisses you off? Once again, it's about the car. Why? What happened to you? "Who are you now," sometimes I ask myself..


Despite the major issue of your car acting as a barrier between us, I've never thought of giving up on you or loving you any lesser.
But I guess till today, I've done enough on my part.
You said you were lost. Trying to find your way back to the past.
It's no use.
Because you have changed.
You are so stubborn that even I, as a girlfriend can only watch and accept it helplessly and do nothing about it. No matter how much I try to talk to you nicely, to make you see sense, but it's always fallen on deaf ears. Whenever we have a problem, you don't even want to talk to me about it. What's the point of me staying? I stayed from day 1 because I promised you I would not leave you and I needed you on my part. I loved you and I still love you. But now, it seems like you don't need me anymore and even though I need you, it's not going to work. There's too much hurt going on it's tearing me physically and mentally apart.


Prior to my title of the post, I've had enough.
After going through close to a year of army life, you've toughen up. I stood by you and I guess you no longer need me to support you now that life is so much better in Navy compared to days with SAF in Tekong.

I will keep our sweet and wonderful memories in a tiny place in my heart.


Perhaps one day, when you've really fallen truly in love, fallen head over heels with a girl who puts everything else other than you first, and treats you nice when she's happy and treats you like dirt when she feels unhappy, you will feel the pain that I feel today.

Perhaps one day 10 20years down the road, you will realise that you've missed the true love of your life.

Because I am very sure, that no one else loves you more than I do...

Or perhaps one day, you might just think that you've wasted 10months of your life being with the wrong girl..


I'm sorry I loved you.