Just got home less than an hr ago. Sent Xuan home after school last night then headed over to boyfriend's place to stay over. Yes my dad's gone back to Hat Yai to fetch my brother back if you're wondering why I can stay out.
Drove boyfriend to the MRT this morning as he headed for camp while I headed home. & the reason why I'm here blogging and not going back to sleep now is because I really don't know whether I should be happy or be sad today. It was supposed to be an extremely joyous day since last night after dad called and me told me some news but apparently my private jet of life took a plunge after I called my aunt during my break time.
I'm "supposed" to go down to Great Eastern Office to pick her up and yea, god knows where the hell is that. Town area that's all I know. I mean, c'mon, it's not that I mind picking her up but if they are places which I know, I will go. But for places I don't know how to go, I WONT GO. Plus, I don't even bear splurge on myself and drive to town every time I want to. I jolly well leave my baby home and take e bus & train. Wth. & I guess she would prolly not drive down too if she still had her car so what's with the expecting of me to pick u man.
Okay back to the point, after dropping boyfriend off, was on the way home when I beat a red light. Okay everyone knows I'm so not a "girl-driver" and my nicknames were either "fast & furious" or "120km/hr" (because that's my min speed) but yea hey going against the traffic rules are not my forte alright. I mean, minus the speeding part. =XX
But I seriously wasn't speeding just now. Just normal. & I was too tired and too stoned and feeling too "unhappy" in a way. Yea I don't know what's wrong with me & I went ahead. Crossed the line just when the traffic lights turned bloody red. I always remember that traffic light has a camera. But apparently boyfriend confirmed that that traffic light do not have any. It's the T-junction just beside AMK ITE. Anyone can enlighten me here? I didn't see any blue lights flashing, hissing at me, and I'm not afraid that my dad knows because my dad wouldn't go outrage like any other parents would probably and my dad knows my driving behavior so I supposed he would be in a way, "expecting" one of these days to come. But oh crap.
I don't know how am I to explain what the hell am I doing over there at 630am in the morning. Shit.
This is where I go, "let nature take it's course" OR in cheena, "Zou yi bu kan yi bu".
======================================
Enter my heart...
& read my love story
Enter my heart...
& read my love story
Sometimes I look back and I can't seem to realise that I was ever in a honey moon period.
I realised when one fine day, when I just met favourite Cheryl girlie during Starhub training, one of the times when we chatted we came to the boyfriend topic. & she asked bout mine. Told her how long we've been together then. & I was instantly replied with a "Awww.... Honey moon period" I smiled at her but I asked myself then. & I thought to myself then: Really? Why don't I think so? With all the tremendous amounts of quarrels over fucking stupid issues. How can I convince myself that I was in the honeymoon period?
Since the start when we met again, even when we were friends, we quarreled practically everyday. Simply because he was jealous over every little thing. Till one fine day I can never forget that: He changed completely. When I asked him what caused the change in him, this what what he told me:
This very sentence. Was the sentence which made me fall in love with him all over again since the days in Secondary School.
During that time, dad was always in KL. He would bring me out almost every night and come home with me. & put me to sleep.. He would squat beside my bed and let me hold on to his pinky and watch me close my eyes and sleep. When I fell asleep, he would leave quietly. I was never able to sleep with someone around, what's more someone staring at me.. I thought then, that I was just gonna pretend to sleep so that he can go home. But it's funny every time holding on to his pinky, I fall asleep almost immediately. I don't believe it. This was where I thought he held something special and is somebody special to me, that with him around, my insomnia would be gone and I would surprisingly sleep like a baby all the way till the next morning. He was the first and the only one.
There was one fateful night after I fell asleep, he left. But he didn't go home.. He went to punggol end alone. & he thought about us and thought about lots of stuff and he concluded with an sms sent to me, telling me that it was time he left. That he was merely a passerby in my life during my down period with the failed relationship between Roland & I, that he could tell I loved him so much still, and that it was time I went back to him. It was true that I still had feelings for Roland. But those feelings weren't love anymore. But I believe more to a habit of having him arnd considering he was my longest boyfriend for 2yrs. I knew the spark was gone. & the flame can never be lighted up ever again. & that was there and then that I convinced him not to leave because even though I wasn't in love with him at that point of time, I had this feeling that I needed him. After all, he was the guy I admired so much back then when I was in AMK Sec. & I finally had him with me.
When it comes to going out with friends, I was given top priority. He would never fail to keep me beside him. Though talking to his friends, he would occasionally look me in e eye & smile or stroke my hair every now and then & somehow I felt good that he was not neglecting me but keeping me company silently. & that was enough. Really.
Because I loved this Strawberry plush from Mini Toons so so so very much, he left home one evening before meeting me just to go around to find the Strawberry plush which I've long wanted and bought it for me.
The respect that he gave me which I'm sorry to say, Roland was not able to give. I remember that very special night when we were on the way back and his friend called him to ask him if he wanted to go to Mount Faber and he actually told his friend he'll call him back in 5mins. I didn't know what was going on then, but I found out soon within seconds that the reason why he wanted to put down the phone was to ask me if I wanted to go. Because he wanted to know how I feel before he decided. If I don't mind, we'll go, if not we won't go. This delicate attention that he gave me, made me fall in love with him even deeper for respect was all I could ever yearn for when I was previously with Roland.
I told him once that no one guy has ever succeeded in giving me any surprises. If there is any guy that could really give me a surprise, I swear I was gonna marry him. In all attempts, trying to be that very first guy, on the 12th of June 2007, he went through all troubles and sweetly fulfilled his promise of buying me my first Miffy, the little bunny rabbit I fell crazily in love with the moment I first saw it before he entered the SAF. With the last couple of bucks he left in his bank account, he still went on being silly and bought the Miffy which I wanted and on top of that a medium-sized sweet pink card inside beautifully hand-written; a full of love card & surprised me by placing them in his car boot surrounded by red light sticks made into a heart shape & made me open the boot while watching the aeroplanes take off along Changi Road.
All my girlfriends swooned with envy and jealousy that their boyfriends did not do such a sweet thing to them. I remember telling my best friend on msn and she typically went ah yan style:
"WAH LAOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"I'M JEALOUS!!!"
"WHY ISN'T ANDRE LIKE HIM..........."
I remember doing everything and going everywhere together with him, driving around in his reddy and despite driving a manual car, he would hold my hand while he drove and changed gear with his right hand. He told me once, that his dad told him he will regret one day for choosing manual car because next time he won't be able to hold his girlfriend's hand. & on one of the nights as he held on to my hand while driving, he said to me that maybe he think he regretted choosing manual and he finally understood what his dad meant.
He always had somewhere to bring me to. & he had plans of where he wanted to bring me to too... For example, he told me he wanted to take me up the Ferris Wheel each time we passed by it on the expressway when it was still under construction and he also told me he wanted to bring me to dine in the Cable Car at Sentosa.
We often went to East Coast Park, looked at people wake board, sat on the stone edge by the sea chatting, dined at East Coast MacDonalds, Holland Village, Hong Kong Cafe, Yishun Dam, Bottle Tree Park, Zoo, AMK MacDonalds....
Somehow we just had this thing for MacDonalds... More than often, he will tell me that he miss me. & this was something which he sent to me during one of the chats on msn:
My story goes a way back to more than 10mths ago. To be exact, started 1year 1mth ago...
There and then till today, I've been doing lots of thinking. So many things have changed. No, I should say so many things have been lost along the way. Sometimes when I think back, I wished and would rather he would get jealous over every little thing again. B'cus at least then it showed that he still cared for me and treasured me so much....
In the past there were only you & me.
Purely love, happiness & bliss. Contentment & satisfaction in all aspects of our life.
Even reddy was simple yet pretty.
As simple as us, as pretty as how we look together as a couple.
Now,
the picture does not only paint you & me. But you, me, reddy & everything else.
As reddy becomes more complicated compared to her simplistic beauty when I first met, our relationship, seemingly gets more complicated too.
Not too long ago, one night, I got home after boyfriend sent me home and he texted me:
That he decided that he is going to give in to me to everything. But of course, I mustn't be ridiculously unreasonable. Simply because he does not want and like to see me angry.. I felt so happy and I felt so loved all over again. I did not feel happy because of him wanting to give in to me, but because I feel his love once again...
But I'm sorry to have to say that I feel that it was only said and done for a period and eventually that promise to deliver was, I feel, not delivered to it's best.
I am frightened. I am feared by the possible ending that I foresee that history will repeat.
There are times when I feel so dejected I feel like giving up despite the overwhelming love for him. I mean, well, love does not necessarily state that you need to be physically together with the other party right? I feel that I am conforming myself to the relationship. & that being the me in the relationship is no longer me. Every single thing I do, every single thing I say, I have to think it through before I do or say it. Talk also cannot talk too loud if not he will shoo me or get irritated, blah. LIKE IT'S IN MY FAMILY GENES WE'RE LOUD SPOKEN CAN?? All because I'm afraid that I'll upset him. I do it.
But I always think, does he do the same too? So many times he does things which clearly would drive me mad. & says things out whatsoever on his mind without even thinking. The effort to sustain a happy relationship is not even 2 hand-clapped. How much do you expect me to bear?
I cannot put make-up when I go out. Not that I am forbidden but I'm preferred not to. Sometimes I really can't stand it and I carry on with my usual dolling up and what I get will be the minute when I see my boyfriend he goes,"your eye is very ugly lah." or "your eyeliner / mascara is very ugly you shouldn't have put". No matter how deeply hurt I may get by his hurtful comments, I simply shrug it off and act like I dont-give a damn but I DO give a damn to everything & it really hurts me so much it dampens my entire day. Hello, we are talking about your other half telling you off here? Won't you be affected?
Either that or I get comments that the way I dress looked awful. Even if I want to doll myself up, each time I think of how I may be humiliated I decide not to. Besides, I ain't really a total fan of make-ups either. Just that occasionally, every girl would have the feel to be pretty day? Yes?
I'm sorry here again for any comparison but NONE of my boyfriends ever said I looked ugly.
I admit I do not have looks that kill or make every boy drool at first sight but I believe I should be an average looking girl who doesn't deserve to be classified under UGLY?
I mean, you can tell me it isn't nice but you do not have to knock me off with the word ugly. I've been tolerating all these while and I think I've been tolerating enough. It hurts and I cannot keep it within me anymore. Isn't love about accepting the other party for who he or she is?
I believe my boyfriend doesn't look his best at all times but do I go, "Boyfriend the way you dress suck" Do I? No I don't. Because I love him for who is he. Not how he looks. Though appearance do matter do a certain extent. You can't possibly go out with a guy who have the total opposite of a prim & proper outlook right?
Boyfriend once told me that he is a person who does not have confidence in himself. & I promised him from day 1 that I will boost his confidence and make sure that he doesn't feel inferior anymore.
Well, seems like I've achieved that and he's doing it other way round.
Making me lose all my self-confidence. Well done. Applause for that because he's done it successfully. I don't even know what am I now.
Sometimes I tell myself, forget it. Why be so hard on yourself and love someone so hard and not get the same amount of love being reciprocated? It always hurts when things get more to one-sided. Maybe it isn't one-sided. But how would you expect me to convince myself that my boyfriend loves me back as much as I did when all the actions doesn't telly with what he says? I don't even feel treasured and loved. Why don't he realise that he might lose me and do something about himself like what he once did & salvaged in the past? One. Either he doesn't love me that much & treasure me as much as before. Two. He's taking things for granted that I love him too much I will never leave him.
Which is true, but if things continued this way, I will have to go against my will. If eventually things are not going to change, one fine day I'll have to put an end to it. Comes back to square one. Might as well just get over it the pain of losing and just love him silently.
I look at everyone else who's happily in love. Carefree, can be themselves.. Go everywhere, go shopping with their boyfriend blah.. Boyfriends pampering them with gifts or surprises, going on dates, movies, dining to some delicious food, having their boyfriends to hold on to their hands... At times stroking their cheeks or hair even in front of their friends... Boyfriends and girlfriends having endless things to talk about, joke about, play about.. Talking openly about their relationship, VERBALLY sorting things out, some husbands dropping by wife's workplace during lunchtime just to have lunch with her.... I can't help feeling everyone else is pampered and loved for, happily in love, what about me?
Silent car rides. Occasional how's-your-day chat ups which doesn't last more than 10mins. Whenever boyfriend has something to say to me, it's definitely telling me what he is going to fix on his car, or whose car he saw or anything else related to car. I wonder when will there ever be one day he turn to me and look at me seriously in the eye and say, "Girlfriend, I miss you." or "Girlfriend, what shall we do this weekend?" or "Girlfriend, there's a new show out in the cinema shall we go catch it?"
More than often, I end up in JB rotting away wasting my time for some mods to be done to his car. In Singapore at times visiting Ubi. Or meeting his friends. Ask me what. Down to OG to see car or race. Or stay home & rot. Even if we go shopping, I can never leave Far East. It's just Far East and that's it. We head to town when I have something to buy, I can't seem to be able to just go to town for shopping around Orchard. Reason being, boyfriend hates crowd. Oh, and, he doesn't like shopping. So that's it. Full-stop. No negotiation. Even if he were to go ONCE IN A BLUE MOON shopping with me, he have this i hate shopping sian-ness or attitude and tell me how many out there can carry on having the mood to shop?
Having said that, I tell you now, that my boyfriend puts me more important than his car. What's on your mind? Will you believe?
I should, start to pull myself out of this relationship, in the sense that I'm not going to let myself sink deeper. The further I sink, the more hurt I feel. The more I love and shower my love, the more hurt I get. That should help. Will it? or will it not? I don't know, you tell me. For I really have no idea what is wrong and how can it be solved when the feelings are more one-sided than mutual. I think.
其实我非常爱你
不想失去你
I realised when one fine day, when I just met favourite Cheryl girlie during Starhub training, one of the times when we chatted we came to the boyfriend topic. & she asked bout mine. Told her how long we've been together then. & I was instantly replied with a "Awww.... Honey moon period" I smiled at her but I asked myself then. & I thought to myself then: Really? Why don't I think so? With all the tremendous amounts of quarrels over fucking stupid issues. How can I convince myself that I was in the honeymoon period?
Since the start when we met again, even when we were friends, we quarreled practically everyday. Simply because he was jealous over every little thing. Till one fine day I can never forget that: He changed completely. When I asked him what caused the change in him, this what what he told me:
"Because I realise that if I were to carry on behaving like this, I am going to lose you and I don't want to lose you."
This.This very sentence. Was the sentence which made me fall in love with him all over again since the days in Secondary School.
During that time, dad was always in KL. He would bring me out almost every night and come home with me. & put me to sleep.. He would squat beside my bed and let me hold on to his pinky and watch me close my eyes and sleep. When I fell asleep, he would leave quietly. I was never able to sleep with someone around, what's more someone staring at me.. I thought then, that I was just gonna pretend to sleep so that he can go home. But it's funny every time holding on to his pinky, I fall asleep almost immediately. I don't believe it. This was where I thought he held something special and is somebody special to me, that with him around, my insomnia would be gone and I would surprisingly sleep like a baby all the way till the next morning. He was the first and the only one.
There was one fateful night after I fell asleep, he left. But he didn't go home.. He went to punggol end alone. & he thought about us and thought about lots of stuff and he concluded with an sms sent to me, telling me that it was time he left. That he was merely a passerby in my life during my down period with the failed relationship between Roland & I, that he could tell I loved him so much still, and that it was time I went back to him. It was true that I still had feelings for Roland. But those feelings weren't love anymore. But I believe more to a habit of having him arnd considering he was my longest boyfriend for 2yrs. I knew the spark was gone. & the flame can never be lighted up ever again. & that was there and then that I convinced him not to leave because even though I wasn't in love with him at that point of time, I had this feeling that I needed him. After all, he was the guy I admired so much back then when I was in AMK Sec. & I finally had him with me.
When it comes to going out with friends, I was given top priority. He would never fail to keep me beside him. Though talking to his friends, he would occasionally look me in e eye & smile or stroke my hair every now and then & somehow I felt good that he was not neglecting me but keeping me company silently. & that was enough. Really.
Because I loved this Strawberry plush from Mini Toons so so so very much, he left home one evening before meeting me just to go around to find the Strawberry plush which I've long wanted and bought it for me.
The respect that he gave me which I'm sorry to say, Roland was not able to give. I remember that very special night when we were on the way back and his friend called him to ask him if he wanted to go to Mount Faber and he actually told his friend he'll call him back in 5mins. I didn't know what was going on then, but I found out soon within seconds that the reason why he wanted to put down the phone was to ask me if I wanted to go. Because he wanted to know how I feel before he decided. If I don't mind, we'll go, if not we won't go. This delicate attention that he gave me, made me fall in love with him even deeper for respect was all I could ever yearn for when I was previously with Roland.
I told him once that no one guy has ever succeeded in giving me any surprises. If there is any guy that could really give me a surprise, I swear I was gonna marry him. In all attempts, trying to be that very first guy, on the 12th of June 2007, he went through all troubles and sweetly fulfilled his promise of buying me my first Miffy, the little bunny rabbit I fell crazily in love with the moment I first saw it before he entered the SAF. With the last couple of bucks he left in his bank account, he still went on being silly and bought the Miffy which I wanted and on top of that a medium-sized sweet pink card inside beautifully hand-written; a full of love card & surprised me by placing them in his car boot surrounded by red light sticks made into a heart shape & made me open the boot while watching the aeroplanes take off along Changi Road.
All my girlfriends swooned with envy and jealousy that their boyfriends did not do such a sweet thing to them. I remember telling my best friend on msn and she typically went ah yan style:
"WAH LAOOOOOOOOOOOO"
"I'M JEALOUS!!!"
"WHY ISN'T ANDRE LIKE HIM..........."
I remember doing everything and going everywhere together with him, driving around in his reddy and despite driving a manual car, he would hold my hand while he drove and changed gear with his right hand. He told me once, that his dad told him he will regret one day for choosing manual car because next time he won't be able to hold his girlfriend's hand. & on one of the nights as he held on to my hand while driving, he said to me that maybe he think he regretted choosing manual and he finally understood what his dad meant.
He always had somewhere to bring me to. & he had plans of where he wanted to bring me to too... For example, he told me he wanted to take me up the Ferris Wheel each time we passed by it on the expressway when it was still under construction and he also told me he wanted to bring me to dine in the Cable Car at Sentosa.
We often went to East Coast Park, looked at people wake board, sat on the stone edge by the sea chatting, dined at East Coast MacDonalds, Holland Village, Hong Kong Cafe, Yishun Dam, Bottle Tree Park, Zoo, AMK MacDonalds....
Somehow we just had this thing for MacDonalds... More than often, he will tell me that he miss me. & this was something which he sent to me during one of the chats on msn:
My story goes a way back to more than 10mths ago. To be exact, started 1year 1mth ago...
There and then till today, I've been doing lots of thinking. So many things have changed. No, I should say so many things have been lost along the way. Sometimes when I think back, I wished and would rather he would get jealous over every little thing again. B'cus at least then it showed that he still cared for me and treasured me so much....
In the past there were only you & me.
Purely love, happiness & bliss. Contentment & satisfaction in all aspects of our life.
Even reddy was simple yet pretty.As simple as us, as pretty as how we look together as a couple.
Now,
the picture does not only paint you & me. But you, me, reddy & everything else.
As reddy becomes more complicated compared to her simplistic beauty when I first met, our relationship, seemingly gets more complicated too.
Not too long ago, one night, I got home after boyfriend sent me home and he texted me:
That he decided that he is going to give in to me to everything. But of course, I mustn't be ridiculously unreasonable. Simply because he does not want and like to see me angry.. I felt so happy and I felt so loved all over again. I did not feel happy because of him wanting to give in to me, but because I feel his love once again...
But I'm sorry to have to say that I feel that it was only said and done for a period and eventually that promise to deliver was, I feel, not delivered to it's best.
I am frightened. I am feared by the possible ending that I foresee that history will repeat.
There are times when I feel so dejected I feel like giving up despite the overwhelming love for him. I mean, well, love does not necessarily state that you need to be physically together with the other party right? I feel that I am conforming myself to the relationship. & that being the me in the relationship is no longer me. Every single thing I do, every single thing I say, I have to think it through before I do or say it. Talk also cannot talk too loud if not he will shoo me or get irritated, blah. LIKE IT'S IN MY FAMILY GENES WE'RE LOUD SPOKEN CAN?? All because I'm afraid that I'll upset him. I do it.
But I always think, does he do the same too? So many times he does things which clearly would drive me mad. & says things out whatsoever on his mind without even thinking. The effort to sustain a happy relationship is not even 2 hand-clapped. How much do you expect me to bear?
I cannot put make-up when I go out. Not that I am forbidden but I'm preferred not to. Sometimes I really can't stand it and I carry on with my usual dolling up and what I get will be the minute when I see my boyfriend he goes,"your eye is very ugly lah." or "your eyeliner / mascara is very ugly you shouldn't have put". No matter how deeply hurt I may get by his hurtful comments, I simply shrug it off and act like I dont-give a damn but I DO give a damn to everything & it really hurts me so much it dampens my entire day. Hello, we are talking about your other half telling you off here? Won't you be affected?
Either that or I get comments that the way I dress looked awful. Even if I want to doll myself up, each time I think of how I may be humiliated I decide not to. Besides, I ain't really a total fan of make-ups either. Just that occasionally, every girl would have the feel to be pretty day? Yes?
I'm sorry here again for any comparison but NONE of my boyfriends ever said I looked ugly.
I admit I do not have looks that kill or make every boy drool at first sight but I believe I should be an average looking girl who doesn't deserve to be classified under UGLY?
I mean, you can tell me it isn't nice but you do not have to knock me off with the word ugly. I've been tolerating all these while and I think I've been tolerating enough. It hurts and I cannot keep it within me anymore. Isn't love about accepting the other party for who he or she is?
I believe my boyfriend doesn't look his best at all times but do I go, "Boyfriend the way you dress suck" Do I? No I don't. Because I love him for who is he. Not how he looks. Though appearance do matter do a certain extent. You can't possibly go out with a guy who have the total opposite of a prim & proper outlook right?
Boyfriend once told me that he is a person who does not have confidence in himself. & I promised him from day 1 that I will boost his confidence and make sure that he doesn't feel inferior anymore.
Well, seems like I've achieved that and he's doing it other way round.
Making me lose all my self-confidence. Well done. Applause for that because he's done it successfully. I don't even know what am I now.
Sometimes I tell myself, forget it. Why be so hard on yourself and love someone so hard and not get the same amount of love being reciprocated? It always hurts when things get more to one-sided. Maybe it isn't one-sided. But how would you expect me to convince myself that my boyfriend loves me back as much as I did when all the actions doesn't telly with what he says? I don't even feel treasured and loved. Why don't he realise that he might lose me and do something about himself like what he once did & salvaged in the past? One. Either he doesn't love me that much & treasure me as much as before. Two. He's taking things for granted that I love him too much I will never leave him.
Which is true, but if things continued this way, I will have to go against my will. If eventually things are not going to change, one fine day I'll have to put an end to it. Comes back to square one. Might as well just get over it the pain of losing and just love him silently.
I look at everyone else who's happily in love. Carefree, can be themselves.. Go everywhere, go shopping with their boyfriend blah.. Boyfriends pampering them with gifts or surprises, going on dates, movies, dining to some delicious food, having their boyfriends to hold on to their hands... At times stroking their cheeks or hair even in front of their friends... Boyfriends and girlfriends having endless things to talk about, joke about, play about.. Talking openly about their relationship, VERBALLY sorting things out, some husbands dropping by wife's workplace during lunchtime just to have lunch with her.... I can't help feeling everyone else is pampered and loved for, happily in love, what about me?
Silent car rides. Occasional how's-your-day chat ups which doesn't last more than 10mins. Whenever boyfriend has something to say to me, it's definitely telling me what he is going to fix on his car, or whose car he saw or anything else related to car. I wonder when will there ever be one day he turn to me and look at me seriously in the eye and say, "Girlfriend, I miss you." or "Girlfriend, what shall we do this weekend?" or "Girlfriend, there's a new show out in the cinema shall we go catch it?"
More than often, I end up in JB rotting away wasting my time for some mods to be done to his car. In Singapore at times visiting Ubi. Or meeting his friends. Ask me what. Down to OG to see car or race. Or stay home & rot. Even if we go shopping, I can never leave Far East. It's just Far East and that's it. We head to town when I have something to buy, I can't seem to be able to just go to town for shopping around Orchard. Reason being, boyfriend hates crowd. Oh, and, he doesn't like shopping. So that's it. Full-stop. No negotiation. Even if he were to go ONCE IN A BLUE MOON shopping with me, he have this i hate shopping sian-ness or attitude and tell me how many out there can carry on having the mood to shop?
Having said that, I tell you now, that my boyfriend puts me more important than his car. What's on your mind? Will you believe?
I should, start to pull myself out of this relationship, in the sense that I'm not going to let myself sink deeper. The further I sink, the more hurt I feel. The more I love and shower my love, the more hurt I get. That should help. Will it? or will it not? I don't know, you tell me. For I really have no idea what is wrong and how can it be solved when the feelings are more one-sided than mutual. I think.
这感觉已经不对, 我努力在挽回.
我....... 好累.
我....... 默背为你掉过几次泪,
你....... 怎么会了解, 我是多么在乎你.........
告诉我, 我该怎么做.............
我....... 好累.
我....... 默背为你掉过几次泪,
你....... 怎么会了解, 我是多么在乎你.........
告诉我, 我该怎么做.............
其实我非常爱你不想失去你
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