I feel stupid..

Happy CNY to all. ((:


My new year wasn't fantastic this year as compared to the previous year.
On the contrary, my cash inflow has up-ed quite a bit this year as compared to last year.
Last year: More red packets, lesser $$.
This year: Lesser red packets, yet more $$.

o.O


Caught Love Matters last night with boyfriend, Jason. Kerlyn & I.
The closure was way too abrupt & disappointing, I thought.
I always believe in the Hokkien idiom: "Hoh liao dim duay."
B'cus it sucked, no matter how entertaining the entire show was, the show still sucked to me. Made me feel like it wasted all of my time watching. -.-"


I slept quite a bit today yet I still feel restless. I could have slept longer but I chose to wake up & not waste my time.


I'm still feeling sore over last night.
No, if you think peng & I had a quarrel AGAIN, no we didn't.
It's just that sometimes, when I see some things, my heart wrenches. It hurts and I would feel lonely..


I hate myself everytime this happens.
I question my own thoughts.
Didn't I tell myself I could make compromises?
Didn't I tell myself that it's okay that it wasn't a big deal?
Then why oh why TIME & TIME again history repeats and I start behaving like a spoilt brat whose deprived of some bloody desperate love.


I stayed awake till dawn thinking & pondering & thinking & pondering...



& right before I fell asleep, I concluded, that it's all because...
I just can't feel the love.


Can I just tell myself that it's okay and forget it again and wait till another yesterday comes and history just repeats again?


Or can I accept the solution to initiate and make them a HABIT?


Or should I stick to my stand & believe that they are natural & willing actions that need NOT be reminded and ought to be something a guy would want to do when he loves and wants the girl badly and expresses it to her?


Someone enlighten me, "What are the basics that couples do?"




Bleeding and broken,
leave me alone.