♥, *Rin

It's technically Friday now..

I feel so drained this week.. Physically, mentally, & emotionally..


I don't know what's wrong with me.. It seems like I lost the ability to talk..
I realise I've been, on the whole, very quiet this entire week..


I'm not particularly happy, nor sad.
Just feel so stoned. & I wonder if it's because I'm worried for my dad. Not that I don't trust the senior surgeon who will be operating for him (though I don't know him), but somehow I feel for him? Like a temporary lost of capability of one hand makes a lot of difference. Makes you feel handicapped.. Wonder if dad will feel okay... What's worse, he don't have a partner to be there for him... It's very saddening to think about it..


From the first day I knew of dad's op, I didn't feel all of these.. Because I thought he would stay by me, sacrificing just 1 weekend of not meeting friends or going out but just accompanying me to look after my dad.. I imagined and visualized a very sweet and heartwarming picture. Dad will probably be so touched by us and I thought maybe during this time I could pluck up some courage and reveal our status, hoping he will approve us..


But tonight, I feel that I am alone in all of this.
It was all a fairy-tale/drama like imagination of mine that will never exist. Face up the reality.

I feel so pressured this entire week. I have an elder brother but I felt like I had no siblings. I felt a heavy load on my shoulder. I have to juggle with school, assignments, revision, tuition and dad. Don't be wrong, I am not complaining or grumbling that my dad is a burden. He is my responsibility. I will take care of him. If I don't, who will? Even if there is, I will still take care of him.. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am now..


But a small part of me's thinking: Then who will? Take care of me..?


Suddenly, on a night like this, I feel that I'm all alone....
This is not right.


It's funny,
the feelings are different now.. Things have changed.. You have changed..

I feel like, we are worlds apart..

Am I the only one feeling this way?

Maybe in the past, you sacrificed your friendship. I was all you had.
But now, you have him back.

I'm no longer your all..
Whether I am there or not, you have your brothers back to back you up..

Does things really have to turn out this way? Either this or that.
I don't want.
I don't want to be the cause of you losing your friendships.
Neither do I want it to affect us.
But it already did.


Sometimes, I really wonder if 2 people are in love with each other, do they have to be together?
So what if there's love?
Love isn't everything in a relationship.
Love without happiness is nothing.

Do you feel happy to have me in your life?

















Yet another emo post.