There comes a point where you suddenly realise and ask yourself, "Why are we going in circles?"
I don't think this is right. & it's apparent things are not working out.
It should be a journey.. A path.. Like a 100m hurdle race. Once you hear the gunshot, you run forward and jump over the hurdles and move on.. You don't jump over one, then make a U-turn and re-jump the hurdle do you?
Similar concept.
But this is what is happening.
The same old issue which was never solved.
You promised time and time again and again and again..
Did you keep up with it? Did you honour your words?
I wonder, if ever one day we walk along that aisle, to mark us husband and wife(if there is even this day) do I walk alone? No one to take my hand to guide me, to assure me he'll walk with me through ups and downs, through sickness and health, till death do us apart.......
Mmmm... My pair of hands, seems contagious and forbidden. It's so cold and abandoned it's longing for someone to hold.
It bothers me but you simply don't care. All you think about is yourself. Me?
.........
I'm out of words.
When you put your heart and soul into it, yet time and again you receive disappointments and empty promises, you find that you constantly have to make up excuses for the things he do that upset you, to tell yourself "forget it.. forget it.. close one eye.. never mind.. it's nothing...", there comes a point where you just cant make up any more excuses. You can't find anymore reason to take all this shit.
When all the things he do just shows that everything else is primary and you are secondary..
You are sacrificing 100% of focus on studies to share it with him.. When you try so hard to keep a balance between studies, relationship, family and friends. But I do have to admit that he would receive a tad more attention than all others.
On the other hand, his focus is entirely different. Perhaps it used to be that way.. Where he tried to strike a balance.. Till this incident shows this whole thing is actually imbalanced. His focus has changed.
It is so scary.. The change in focus is so sudden it's so hard for me to accept.
If ever a day his heart has changed, I would not even know.. Because his thinking changes so fast and I'm not even given a chance to switch my mentality with him..
We were both walking to the right.. But you're suddenly walking to the left. What about me? Trying to make a u-turn to keep up with you..
Was I given a choice?
That fact that as my partner, you don't want to take my hand despite countless promises. You do things which makes me feel like an ant in a world of giants. Small, insignificant and easy to manipulate. I am easy to manipulate because I don't ask for 5C's. I'm easily contented and non-materialistic. I am a very simple girl, who yearns to be loved, feel loved and doted, and highly cherished. I am a very simple girl whom you can put a smile on face just by taking my hand or planting a light kiss on my lips. Is all I'm asking for digging into your reserves? Does it cost you anything? The things to make me happy and to satisfy me are all things which doesn't cost a single cent. Even so, it seems like it's too much to ask for from you..
For the past 26 months, I put in my all, to love you wholeheartedly, to what you deserve.. No matter how tough life got when you were serving the nation, it never wavered my feelings for you. I waited patiently. Till all was over and time was up for you to step into the working society. I stood by you giving you all the support you needed, be it morally, spiritually, or physically.
Yet this is the kind of treatment I get at the end of 26months..
I'm not praising how great am I, neither am I any superwoman or perfect girl. Because no one is perfect, neither am I. I have my flaws.. But for you, I tried so hard to change for the better. Though not the best that I can be, but I tried. & I really did change for the better.
Have you got no feelings at all? How can you be so cruel to treat me in this way, do I deserve this? In your eyes, am I really so insignificant to you?
You love him soo much. & this is what you get in return.
This, is the time you know it's time you let go..
It's time to stop re-jumping the same hurdle when you know you'll come back again because he'll never fulfill what he promised.
It's time to stop in your tracks, walk back to the right direction instead of chasing after him to the left. Because he is not even turning back to look at you.
Who are you?
You are just a nobody who is so naive to believe all those empty promises.
I felt the strong need from you then, to have me. That you really wanted and needed me.
That was 26months ago. But not now anymore. I feel like I've been made use of to the fullest and there's nothing in me that he once saw 26months ago, to have that strong need and desire to want me to stay. To give me surprises, to do everything he did to win my heart over. I guess its time to wake up and stop using history to hold me back.
Because people change, feelings change..
Since he doesn't need your love, it's time to get off that high horse and love yourself..
My pride is pricking.
I don't think this is right. & it's apparent things are not working out.
It should be a journey.. A path.. Like a 100m hurdle race. Once you hear the gunshot, you run forward and jump over the hurdles and move on.. You don't jump over one, then make a U-turn and re-jump the hurdle do you?
Similar concept.
But this is what is happening.
The same old issue which was never solved.
You promised time and time again and again and again..
Did you keep up with it? Did you honour your words?
I wonder, if ever one day we walk along that aisle, to mark us husband and wife(if there is even this day) do I walk alone? No one to take my hand to guide me, to assure me he'll walk with me through ups and downs, through sickness and health, till death do us apart.......
Mmmm... My pair of hands, seems contagious and forbidden. It's so cold and abandoned it's longing for someone to hold.
It bothers me but you simply don't care. All you think about is yourself. Me?
.........
I'm out of words.
When you put your heart and soul into it, yet time and again you receive disappointments and empty promises, you find that you constantly have to make up excuses for the things he do that upset you, to tell yourself "forget it.. forget it.. close one eye.. never mind.. it's nothing...", there comes a point where you just cant make up any more excuses. You can't find anymore reason to take all this shit.
When all the things he do just shows that everything else is primary and you are secondary..
You are sacrificing 100% of focus on studies to share it with him.. When you try so hard to keep a balance between studies, relationship, family and friends. But I do have to admit that he would receive a tad more attention than all others.
On the other hand, his focus is entirely different. Perhaps it used to be that way.. Where he tried to strike a balance.. Till this incident shows this whole thing is actually imbalanced. His focus has changed.
It is so scary.. The change in focus is so sudden it's so hard for me to accept.
If ever a day his heart has changed, I would not even know.. Because his thinking changes so fast and I'm not even given a chance to switch my mentality with him..
We were both walking to the right.. But you're suddenly walking to the left. What about me? Trying to make a u-turn to keep up with you..
Was I given a choice?
That fact that as my partner, you don't want to take my hand despite countless promises. You do things which makes me feel like an ant in a world of giants. Small, insignificant and easy to manipulate. I am easy to manipulate because I don't ask for 5C's. I'm easily contented and non-materialistic. I am a very simple girl, who yearns to be loved, feel loved and doted, and highly cherished. I am a very simple girl whom you can put a smile on face just by taking my hand or planting a light kiss on my lips. Is all I'm asking for digging into your reserves? Does it cost you anything? The things to make me happy and to satisfy me are all things which doesn't cost a single cent. Even so, it seems like it's too much to ask for from you..
For the past 26 months, I put in my all, to love you wholeheartedly, to what you deserve.. No matter how tough life got when you were serving the nation, it never wavered my feelings for you. I waited patiently. Till all was over and time was up for you to step into the working society. I stood by you giving you all the support you needed, be it morally, spiritually, or physically.
Yet this is the kind of treatment I get at the end of 26months..
I'm not praising how great am I, neither am I any superwoman or perfect girl. Because no one is perfect, neither am I. I have my flaws.. But for you, I tried so hard to change for the better. Though not the best that I can be, but I tried. & I really did change for the better.
Have you got no feelings at all? How can you be so cruel to treat me in this way, do I deserve this? In your eyes, am I really so insignificant to you?
You love him soo much. & this is what you get in return.
This, is the time you know it's time you let go..
It's time to stop re-jumping the same hurdle when you know you'll come back again because he'll never fulfill what he promised.
It's time to stop in your tracks, walk back to the right direction instead of chasing after him to the left. Because he is not even turning back to look at you.
Who are you?
You are just a nobody who is so naive to believe all those empty promises.
I felt the strong need from you then, to have me. That you really wanted and needed me.
That was 26months ago. But not now anymore. I feel like I've been made use of to the fullest and there's nothing in me that he once saw 26months ago, to have that strong need and desire to want me to stay. To give me surprises, to do everything he did to win my heart over. I guess its time to wake up and stop using history to hold me back.
Because people change, feelings change..
Since he doesn't need your love, it's time to get off that high horse and love yourself..
My pride is pricking.
No comments:
Post a Comment