♥, *Rin

Back from Powerhouse.

Ma second visit.

First visit was to see Sly. -- Their 3rd Anniversary or something.

Today is for my dearest huhu's birthday.


Hope you're having a good time.. Should end off this year with a blast.
I am envious of she and her Ah Mao.. Soo sweet! At the same time, I feel so happy for her.. She's living her life so well now.. So happy, so blissful, so loved.. You guys are the perfect match. Just look stunning with each other. :)

Cheers to our Friendship! Xoxo. ^^
(& yes, that's my new gong gong fringe. gong enough?)

So coincidentally bumped into the Black Legion Boys.. Thanks to Ah Jie who brought us in FOC. :)

All my life the number of guy friends on hand easily outbid the number of girl friends.
& speak of clique or not, I always seem to clique better with guys than girls.

I'm not saying anything across the friendship line. I mean pure friendship. & to the Black Legion boys, they always call me "brother". That simple. Yes, they don't see me as a girl, instead their brother. Mike jokingly even asked me to go help him get a girl's number just now. Ha.

Over the years, I've lost some, I've gain some..


Having said that, the reason why I brought up my male friendships is because all my life, from young, I used to hang out with groups of guys.. All as friends. They tell me everything, they confide in me, they tell me the mentality or norms of guys, their thinking, blah blah.


& I've seen so many so many. Different groups of guys. Be it they are attached-girlfriends or attached-wifeys. Whenever they go to places like pubs, clubs, meeting other women, etc. All have one thing in common.
They lie. They don't tell their partners the truth. Where they go, who they meet, what they do.


I know it so so well. I'm just like a guy. Except I'm not a real guy.
I know what men generally do. Know what they are up to. Maybe that's why I am a girl whose particularly sensitive and paranoid, much more than any other girls.


& that's part of the reason why all these while I've held on to the thinking of "no marriage."
Furthermore I come from a broken family.
I see many many young kids now with only a single parent. It's really really saddening.
We're so different from our ancestors who are devoted and passionate. In our era now, whatever that doesn't suit your liking, "break up." "separation." "divorce."

When you're single, consequences ain't bad. But once you're married and have kids? Do couples even put in their best to sustain the relationship and love? Do men have the discipline not to have extra-marital affairs? Do couples strive to provide a complete family and give full love to the kids? Have you thought of what kind of trauma your child can go through?
I went through it.

& honestly, I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

I don't know what my future brings.

I don't know if one day I will eventually let the ring slip into my fourth finger.

I don't know if I have the courage and faith to enter another new phase of my life and start a brand new life with my other half.

I really don't know.


4 days ago, I experienced one of the most heart wrenching moments in my 22 years of life.

In a blink of an eye, the world infront of me was in complete darkness.

Hot, huge drops of tears flowed again and again and again and again.... It just couldn't stop. They had to come out to relieve all the pain in the heart to balance out. But the tears couldn't catch up with the pain at all. The pain increased with every beat of my heart... I felt so suffocated at some point I thought I would pass out.

I was shocked. I was scared. I was torn. I was an emotional wreck.

The impact on me was so bad I'm still trying to regain my normal self up till now even though it's been sunshine after the rain.


As if being suddenly pushed off a cliff 4 days back, together with all these real-life scenes happening around me leaves me totally faithless and emotionless.

Who can I trust?

Who can I depend on?

What is the meaning of a partner?

What is the meaning of holding a marriage of certificate?


I've learnt. That nothing.
Nothing is forever.
Nothing is certain.

Now, I truly understand the meaning of "You'll never know what tomorrow may bring.."


I was so shattered I still feel numb.
I think I've lost myself.

Can I find my way back?
Will you walk to me and take my hand and bring me back to where we were?



I don't know.

It feels like there's no one I can depend on now...



I'm feeling so depressed. I'm heading to bed. *Gone

==========

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor


After all this why
Would you ever wanna leave it
Maybe you could not believe it
That my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you will ever know