♥, *Rin

Missy Rin isn't in a good mood today.

Everything just doesn't seem to go with its flow..

I feel so lousy so lousy so lousy.

I feel so damn bloody stressed I feel like I can go crazy.
I wish I could be like my friends who can really kick start all the way when the stress comes in. For me, the more stress I am, the more I can't do work. How bad is that?

I feel so useless really.


I can't lead my academic life well. I am never able to score A's or distinctions. In fact I just failed a module which cost me a year of income.
I can't lead my social life well. I don't have a regular group of friends to hang out with.
I can't lead my love life well. Apparently, I make my other half feel that I'm too clingy.
I can't even have the choice to prioritize who I want to spend my time with.
I can't make decisions well. I think and tell myself that's okay. But when the decision's made, I get all upset and just feel like crying.
I can't control my emotions well. All I do is cry and cry. Otherwise is to get grumpy and pek chek.


What else am I ever even good at really?


Everything is just not right.

At this point in time, I feel that I'm someone who aint worth of holding on to anything or deserving something.
Really.
I don't deserve a warm & complete family, that's why god put me into one that would split eventually.
I don't deserve to be loved, that's why even though I'm in love, I'm not happy. & If i'm out of love, the more unhappy I am.
I don't deserve best friends, because even my bestest friend in the world, has drifted away from me me. I use to believe that even the whole world turns their back on me, she never would. She always pick me up. It never happens anymore.

Don't comfort me & tell me I deserve all the good things in the world and all. I really don't wana hear that.
Nobody will ever know how I feel.
The heartbreaks and emptiness I experience in my heart.
None of you can understand.
So don't say a word to me.
I really don't wana hear.


I'm lost and swirling around in the same spot in circles non-stop.
I didn't realise till I spoke to Gwen last night. The issues we talked about.
The advices she gave me..
I have no directions in my life.
I am already 23 this year.
How can I ever be successful with such shallow, weak & useless character?
Where will my future be?
What will it be like?
With whom as my soulmate?


I feel like I'm living in self-denial.
I know it & I allow myself to.

Which explains why...


I despise myself.
& I'm especially upset today.


When will I ever have the courage to make a U-Turn?
I'm such a weakling even suicidal, I don't have the courage.




Don't talk to me.

Because I don't worth your time.