♥, *Rin

My PMS this month is getting way out of hand.

Threshold for all shits = ZERO.


I am feeling so damn bloody agitated today I feel like I can really go crazy and just smash things and scream and kill.


From the beginning of my day till now, not a single thing has gone right for me.

I overslept this morning. Making me rush like a mad cow.

Ended up had to wait for Twin.

When twin reached, I had to wait for Dad as he wasn't done packing up to go.

When I reached school, Rachel did not come AGAIN for 2 weeks in a row. She took one chapter of my notes back and I can't study.
My bloody prelims are due 3weeks from now. I haven't studied. I am feeling so damn bloody stressed out. It's the time of the year again. I remember last year this period I was so stressed and depressed even my ignorant grandma who doesn't really like me kissed me on my cheeks when I went for dinner and said she haven't seen me smile for a long time and that I had lost weight.

Tutor after lessons.
Thankfully Damian was such a good & attentive boy today.


My fringe has been irritating the hell shit out of me eversince Jim cut it for me last.
So I decided to head downstairs to the aunty for my usual fringe cut.
This time round it was really nice.
Then she said it could go a teeny bit shorter. & she emphasized so much on the "TEENY BIT" I agreed.
YES. I walked out of the salon looking like a bloody fucking IDIOT!! Yes. I look like shit now. Already my day was bad enough & I screwed it up even further.


Then argued with my dad over my summons.
Not my dad's fault. But still I can't understand why he had to pay it when he haven't even consulted me yet. He could still say he weren't the victim he don't know everything. Yet he made all decisions on the spot. -.-
My bad for procrastinating to pay and appeal. Yah. At the end of the day, who's fault? No one else's but MINE once again.


I don't know why I feel that I am so busy and packed for the past 2 weeks. I am feeling so bloody drained. So bloody stress. So lack of time.


At the end of such a screwed up day, I await for 6pm to come. To complain to my boyfriend. To tell him what a sucky day I had. To hear him cheerfully tell me that everything will be okay tomorrow when I wake up. That I still had him. Oh yea~ Quit dreaming Rin.
He'll just never be the sweet-mouthed, loving and caring guy that you ever dreamed and wanted him to be.
All I got was silences once again, dull, drained and tired tone. I thought no matter how bad a day he had, he would just want to talk to me and tell me what a sucky day he had too. Never. I guess I'm always just the punching bag.

After some storms, I felt really happy. I had been very happy if you want to know since I haven't had the time to blog.
But well, I'm losing it again.
What did I say? People never change. Ha.


Someone said I just can't set my priorities right. Yah. You're right. Perhaps I should be spending this time to start studying. But I'm blogging away my frustrations.

I know what my priorities are. Maybe to others, my first priority shouldn't be the first.
But to me, it is. To each his own. There is no right or wrong.

The problem with me is, I never know how to say "NO." There is no rejection in my dictionary.

I am running out of time, yet when my dad pulls me out with him during my non-school days, I just can't bring myself to say "No".

When I think I'll feel bored going to meet Ah Jie and Gang when asked, I still go and never say "No".

When exams are nearing, & I ought to be home during weekends to spend some time studying, I just want to meet my boyfriend and can't bring myself to say "No".


I always put others first. I compromise on myself and satisfy others. Yet, people thinks I'm stupid.

At the end of the day, who satisfy me back?

No one.

Sometimes I really feel that with my personality and character, I ought to be single.

I don't have to think for others. Even when I do it willingly, people feel burdened.

& I don't have to make people put up with all my da xiao jie pi qi. (I guess this is it.)

Anyway, being attached is good in one way that he shares all your ups and downs. There for you when you need a listening ear.. Hugs you when you feel down. Wipes your tears and kiss you when you cry. & days like this, talks to you and trys to cheer you up, dote and pamper you. Or is this just my fairytale dream? Whatever it is, at some points of my life, it just occurs to me that being attached is as good as not attached to me.

& I should just move out and rent a room and stay alone. Or just request for application to stay in SIM Hostel.


After a sucky day, the first thing I did when I got home was? Get the tool box for a screwdriver to repair some bloody hook in my toilet. FYI my brother was sleeping when I got home at 6pm. & the hook with the loosening screw has been there since weeks.
Toilet shared by my bro and I. My brother, not even my maid, BOTHERS TO DO ANYTHING BOUT IT.

In the end who clears all the shit?!?!



MY LIFE'S PATHETIC.

& IM LIVING THE LIFE OF A CLOWN.

Go ahead and laugh for all you want.