It's been a really long while since I actually do a proper update here. But this would prolly be something short yet comprehensive since my spinning's head calling for my bed. Hohoho.
Well, what's life in for me for the past couple of months.
I seriously don't have a vivid memory anymore. Good times less the bad times.
It's not that I don't want to hold grudges, I just don't remember what's the grudge about in the first place.
The beauty of having a bad memory.
Torture & stress has transformed itself into words of irrelevance (or relevance - you tell me.) regardless of sense and order all for one ultimate aim. To clock the 180minutes and make it's way to UK where it marks my sentence at the end of my sweet 3months from now. Let's shelf this away for a couple of months shall we.
You were supposed to hear my scream of anguish relief & laughter of joy. I was awaiting to see you & the black. Waiting right out there for me as I stepped out of that chilly place which left me shivering. Refused & unable to accept the sentence. But I felt crippled. I couldn't even see you for the last. I'm sorry I failed to be present. Angry with myself for clearing my call list. Now I don't have a single of your name appearing on my call history. It used to - every single day without fail. For how long it has since seemingly become a norm of my everyday life.
Fuego - specially customized. When will I hear it again?
Now that you're suddenly gone, it's day 6 & it feels like you've left just yesterday.
I promise myself I want to give you the biggest, tightest, warmest hug the minute you step out albeit the unjustified correlation to the amount of misses I had for you.
No one knows more than myself how much you've helped me in all my deepest darkest moments.
You always stretched out your hand to pull me up in your very own way.
Even when I pushed your hand away, insisted to be left alone, you never fail to walk away.
& instead, stood down to be with me till I got up myself again.
You are one who always manage to talk sense to me. To the extent even the angriest form of myself you are able to break and make me reflect on my own doings & question myself if what I did was right. You cease the stubborn in me.
That combo night: When I did the stupidest things to N when we fell out, & having a huge problem with P, you were the one who took time to sit infront of me & talk to me in your gentlest, most sensible tone while I was weeping like a baby. You let me cry whatever that I needed to. You let me drink down glasses and glasses of beer without stopping me. & picked me up when I finally collapsed and took me home. I puked all over your car. Made a mess out of everything but you were never once angry with me. You never once blamed me.
He might be in the wrong. But law did no justice by not showing any mercy this time.
Pardon me for the statement I just made. For my first thought was an incredulous and bewildered one for a man who's leading one of the roughest life to begin with.
At this very point in time, I regretted gaving up my dream of being a lawyer. For I am now in no position to fight for him. Everything has become an ultimate.
What else can I do.
Imu.
Now that the emotions has flushed my head, I'm going to bed.
My tolerance expired.
As I'm staring into the sky, will you be staring at it too? We're nevertheless under the same one.
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