♥, *Rin

First love.

A very sweet love song.

Yet, to me, this song, the entire process. From the very start, how I got to know this song, what happened thereafter, means so much so much to me.
6 Years.....

The pain I kept inside,
the tears I held back so badly,
the struggle I faced at that point of time in my life,
the confusion I never seem to be able to be untangled from,
the lost of someone who meant the world to me then,
the drastic and sudden change of life,
the harsh & cruel environment I was forced to adapt and grow up in.
Each time I hear the song "First Love",
memories recollect.
Every single detail so vivid,
as if it happened just yesterday.


So many years now.
But I have not forgotten, and will NEVER forget.
Not to even speak of forgiveness.


I guess no one will ever understand how I feel,
for I have never really open-ed up or really spoke to anybody about it.
Family members were worried bout me the most,
for I never uttered a single word nor displayed any of my emotions.
No one knew what was my take.
I never knew how to bring my thoughts and feelings across to anybody...
I never knew how to start,
I never knew how to put it across,
for I'm afraid that all the other party would see or get,
is to see me breaking down into a pool of tears...
The countless nights in months or even years I cried myself to sleep at night.

I thought I was so numb there weren't any tears for this issue anymore.
But every year, a particular day of the year prove me wrong time and time again, yr after yr.
Not to also mention, in emo days like tonight.



I have mastered the skill to react whenever anyone asks of it,
or mention it by accident.
& I have also mastered the way to recover from nights or days like tonight.



So just let me speak to you, my online diary,
& I promise I'll be back to normal when the first rays of sun shines into my room tomorrow.