wtf.

I have been acting so strong on the outside.

But whoever knows what I've been going through.

I hate it whenever people pops dumb questions or statements which makes me feel uncomfortable. Then I'll have to say it.
Then I hate to see the expressions on their faces.
I hate to hear them say sorry.
I hate their eyes turning into puppy eyes looking at me pathetically.
Whatever~
But I seriously can't blame them can I?
Say the tables were turned, I would probably have reacted the same bloody way.


Recently with friends I don't know why this issue have been raised.
Not that I mind, unless you're someone I'm not that close to after all.


I put a lot of blame on her for a lot of things that happened to me, or should I say, happening to me.
People looks at me as if I'm a very independent girl. Because my dad's flying every now and then. Leaving me all alone with my totally useless brother. Oh wait, then again that useless one am probably out somewhere out there making people suffer on his Boeing A380 with his non-stop "OH-IM-SO-GREAT" stories.
Why do I feel like I'm the oldest when I'm the youngest?


I get super cranky whenever dad is back home for sometime already then he's suddenly gone again for a long period.
Though I'm used to him always flying around, I'm NOT used to him being back for so long then suddenly he's gone again.
That feeling of sending him and then stepping home without his presence really sucks.
That feeling of the house feeling so quiet because no one's here and dad's not at his usual spot watching television really sucks.
That feeling of waking up and there's no bread or Milo prepared for you because dad is not around really sucks.


I came home last night and stood alone in the kitchen where dad always was.
& I suddenly felt like crying. Because I realised I really really can't live without my dad.
He means the world to me. I cannot imagine him leaving me for the other world one fine day.
I asked myself, if one day dad goes, what's going to happen to me? Totally disturbing thought.


This is such a depressing day.
& it doesn't help when someone whose so busy and so disciplined can't even afford to reply your msges or send you a msg throughout the day.
& at the end of the day, can only tell you, "you should get used to it."


very encouraging indeed. Isn't it?
What kind of life am I leading now anyway?


Not that I want to be a burden, but since you're so driven towards your work, have time to meet up with friends for a short while, accompany friend for dinner or get whatever shit stuff when you're so tired, in the end becoming too tired to meet me for dinner or whatever not, then I suggest you might as well just get rid of me.


I don't want to be a burden yet I feel like a burden.


Life's a bitch.

I always wished for a boyfriend who have completed NS and I don't have to go through all the "my boyfriend has to book in" shit.
Now that my wish has been fulfilled, I think I'm changing my mind after all.