♥, *Rin

Have you wondered how it feels when it's all over,
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew?
Never knowing where you're going
when you face a brand new day
It used to be that way.
Now I just close my eyes and say


I just want to breath again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little,
Live a little more.


I just wana face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little, try a little more..
I'll breathe again.


Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still moves on.
With a bit of luck, it's a brand new start.
That might just work my way,
no need to walk away,
don't wana live on life's replay.


Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
to see the break of dawn.

==========

Today, my student's grandma asked if I could spare her some time.
It really took me aback.
The things she said to me. The issues she shared with me. The advices she gave me.
That hour of talk kept my mind occupied throughout my entire bus journey home I was oblivious to my surroundings.


I ask myself, throughout these 2 years of tutoring, why now, why today, why during this period of struggle?
Last night, I had a bad night. I had blogshop shoot till late. & I thought I dropped the money I earned for the night. I was already in the control station, but I came back out panicking. Walking all the way back my trail to the place of shoot. I was tired. I was upset. It was late. I felt terribly miserable I felt like dropping to the ground to have a good cry at myself.
I held back and headed back home for good this time, preparing to face the fam with a smile on my face. Fortunately, no one was home. I flopped infront of my mirror.
The girl infront of me looked so frail and thin. She has lost weight.


Streams and streams of hot tears rolled down my face like an overflowing cup of water.
I had no one to turn to. In my hands, I held on to "him" tightly. I cried out loud and begged to tell me what to do. I begged him to help me. I told him I really don't know what to do anymore, right from wrong anymore... I begged and begged...


I think he heard me now. I don't believe in coincidence. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I am puzzled why of all times, now. But I realise, perhaps he sent her to me.
Her words and experience she shared woke me up. It was like a slap on my face.
She made me see the wider and bigger picture. The real future.
In the subtleness of answering my prayers, I was lectured.
I was wrong.

My love is suffocating you.
I'm sorry.
I hope you'll find a better girl who definitely will not love you more than I do,
but at least, will love you better than I did.

Ilu. Always & forever.