越是在乎的人越是猜不透

Somewhere, somehow, this whole */* doesn't seem to be very smooth sailing.

Everything's too superficial. Time isn't lacking. Something else is.
Don't ask me what it is, because neither do I know.


I never had the chance to be overwhelmed by:-

"I'm so blessed to have him.."

"Feels very loved.."

"Thank you for everything.. I am incredibly lucky to have you..."


I feel so empty & upset just reading all these updates in my FB.
It's not as if I am envying someone whose attached.
I am attached myself.
But I just can't find "Rin love". Just like... "我愛上給我勇氣的 Rainie Love" (雨愛)
I don't know why is it so hard for me to want the sweetest love in the simplest way.
What I need does not need anything that requires monetary involvement.
I need your heart. I need your love. Your tender loving care. It's FOC.
But what it seems, is too much for you to give. I seem to be demanding and expecting too much, as you put it.


We are 2 different souls in love with perspectives bouncing off each other.
I have hurt too many people enough, to want this to be serious, to give my all.
You, on the other hand, has been hurt enough and have decided to stop giving your all because you believe that whatever that you put in at the end of the day, leaves with you with nothing but a broken heart.


It's unfair. To me.
A person who have decided to turn back for the good ends up getting hurt in every way and not earning the love that was given, yet I cold-heartedly tore apart and never looked back no matter how they teared and begged and whatever they did to try to win me back.
It's karma.
It's all coming back to me now.


But, you on the other hand, decided that I will be the last of yours.
Is that truly what you want out of overwhelming love?
Or is that just a choice you feel you have to make for all these years I've stood by you?
It seems to me the latter for I was never given a chance to outbeat the rest.
Whatever I did all these years just wasn't sufficient to let you believe in true love again, to want to put in your all because you know that this time, I will not disappoint and hurt you like the rest did. I was never able to convince you enough.
Or perhaps, somewhere tiny in your heart is still waiting for your right "she".
No one has the key to this answer except yourself.
It's for me to unriddle. But I have given up.


A song that I once love so much, you came to know about recently.
& to my realisation lately, the entire song, simply speaks my broken and tired heart.
Do you even know?

期待让人越来越疲惫...

谁和我一样,
等不到他的谁?

爱上你我总在学会,
寂寞的滋味.
一个人撑伞,
一个人擦泪,
一个人好累..

怎样的雨,
怎样的夜,
怎样的我,
能让你更想念?

雨要多大,
天要多黑,
才能够有你的体贴?

其实 没有我你分不清那些差别
结局还能多明显
别说你会难过,
别说你想改变.
被爱的人不用道歉.